Broken Trust
by MaureenT
Summary: As Daniel suffers through the consequences of what happened in Legacy, Janet and his teammates wonder if he will ever be able to forgive them - and if they will ever be able to forgive themselves. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Broken Trust**

**Author:** MaureenT  
**Rating:** T  
**Categories:** Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Drama  
**Content Warning:** Mild Profanity  
**Spoilers:** The Broca Divide, Brief Candle, Fire and Water, Hathor, Politics, Need, Holiday, One False Step, Legacy, Crystal Skull

**Author's Note:** This is not a new story. I wrote the majority of it quite a few years ago. I was never quite satisfied with it and never got around to completing it. I finally decided to dust it off and get it posted.

* * *

CHAPTER ONE

Daniel stared down at Teal'c as he lay in the infirmary bed. Ma'chello's Goa'uld killer was gone, tricked into thinking that the larva inside the Jaffa was dead, and everyone was confident that he was going to be okay. Daniel wasn't so sure about himself. Now that the crisis was over and the danger past, he was really starting to think about the events of the past few days, about how everyone had allowed him to be taken away to Mental Health without a fight. He was trying not to be angry, to understand, but the fact was that it hurt, it hurt a lot. Why were they so quick to accept MacKenzie's diagnosis? Why, after all the things they'd seen and experienced, didn't they at least consider the possibility that something alien was causing his symptoms? Why didn't they investigate, question, test things . . . do _something_?

Suddenly feeling the need to be alone, Daniel hurried out of the infirmary. No one noticed his departure. He headed for the locker room to get his wallet and keys, intending to go home. He wasn't going to take the time to change. What difference did it make anyway? The people of Colorado Springs were used to seeing military uniforms. Why bother hiding it? All he'd really have to do was remove his patches.

On the way to the locker room, several people greeted Daniel, saying that they were glad he was feeling better and asking if Teal'c was okay. News on base always traveled fast, and Daniel guessed that, by now, just about everyone knew the reason for his mental illness and what had happened to Teal'c, Jack and Janet. This was good since he shouldn't have to worry about someone stopping him from leaving. He was not feeling very well and just wanted to go home.

Daniel knew that he probably shouldn't leave, that Janet would not be happy, but he simply didn't care. To be honest, he didn't give a damn what the doctor thought or felt. She more than any of them should have considered other causes for his symptoms.

With wallet and keys in hand and BDU patches left in his locker, Daniel headed for the elevator, in a hurry to get off the base. He was afraid that Jack or someone else would start looking for him soon. The problem was that he was really starting to feel sick now. He was feverish and sweating, his hands were trembling, and his muscles felt stiff.

By the time Daniel got to the elevator, he knew that he wasn't going to make it to his car. Even if he did, he was in no condition to drive. Why was he feeling this way? Was it because of that thing of Ma'chello's? Daniel had a feeling it wasn't that. It was the drugs, the stuff that MacKenzie had been pumping into him. They were still in his system and were doing this to him. All he needed to do was sleep them off, and he'd be okay. Hopefully, everyone would leave him alone and not take him back to the infirmary.

The elevator doors opened, and Daniel stepped inside. Then he just stared at the panel of buttons, feeling a little confused and disoriented. Where was he going? He was going home. No, not home. He was sick and needed to lie down. A VIP room. He could go to a VIP room. Level . . . Level 25, right?

Daniel pushed the button for 25, then stared a little vacantly at the buttons as the elevator took him down the four flights. When the doors opened, he didn't immediately exit, his mind growing progressively more confused. When he finally stepped off the elevator, he found that he was having such a hard time walking that he wasn't sure he was going to make it. He felt like his muscles were set in cement. And he was so hot, the sweat pouring off him in buckets.

Daniel stood unmoving for several seconds, feeling so disoriented that he wasn't even sure where he was. He looked down the corridor and saw something familiar, a room number that he remembered. He headed for it, though the mere act of making his body move took a monumental effort. It seemed to take forever to reach the door.

With great difficulty, Daniel swiped his keycard through the lock and entered the VIP room, shutting the door behind him. He raised a shaking hand to his forehead, feeling the heat of his own skin. His respiration had increased, and his heart was beating like a triphammer in his chest.

The logical part of Daniel's mind was telling him that he should call the infirmary, but that logic was being overridden by confusion and the fear of what they'd do to him if anyone found out that he was sick. Would they put him back in the padded room, shoot him full of more drugs?

Daniel's gaze cast about the room. Why was he here? Oh, yes, to rest. He needed to rest. So, he should go do that. Looking at the bed, Daniel thought about going to it, but he couldn't seem to get himself to move.

With glacial slowness, Daniel finally started walking to the bed. He was about halfway there when he lost his balance and fell to the floor. As he lay there, the last lucid part of Daniel's mind was telling him that he needed to call for help, but he couldn't move.

"Jack," Daniel whispered. "Help."

* * *

"Sir, where's Daniel?"

Sam's sudden question drew the colonel's eyes away from Teal'c. He looked around and saw no sign of the archeologist. Where did he go? He was just here a moment ago.

"He shouldn't have left," Janet said. "I need to run more tests on him. His dopamine levels were normal earlier, but I'm concerned that there's a chance they'll drop, go in the opposite direction."

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Because Doctor MacKenzie was giving him haloperidol, which works by blocking dopamine receptors. The problem is that, while that thing of Ma'chello's was in him, it was counteracting the haloperidol. Well, it's gone now, but the drug is still in Daniel's system, which means that his dopamine levels could drop below normal."

Jack started to get worried. "Is it dangerous?"

"No, it shouldn't be, though he could experience some very unpleasant side effects. He'll be okay once the drug wears off, and we could help speed up the recovery with medication that will counteract the haloperidol. Daniel may experience some symptoms similar to what people suffering from Parkinson's Disease do: tremors, slowness of movement and muscle rigidity, but nothing life-threatening."

Jack gave a sharp nod. "Okay, I'll go find him."

"I'll look, too," Sam said.

The two members of SG-1 split up to cover more ground. The first place Jack went was Daniel's office. No luck. After checking a couple of other places and still not finding him, Jack started searching at random, hoping that the archeologist hadn't decided to leave the base.

As he searched, Jack asked people he passed if anyone had seen Daniel. A few said that they had and told him where. Jack's concern increased when one of the Marines revealed that Daniel had been getting something out of his locker when the man saw him.

"Dammit, Daniel, you'd better not have gone off and left the base," Jack muttered. He called one of the checkpoints and was relieved to hear that, no, Daniel had not left – or at least not that way. Jack wondered if his friend might have gone up to the top of the mountain so that he could be alone.

Jack was just about to go check when an airman called to him.

"Sir? I heard that you're looking for Doctor Jackson."

"Yes, that's right."

"I was just on Level 25, and I saw him going into a VIP room. I think it was the same room that he was in when he was, um . . . sick."

Thanking the man, Jack hurried to the VIP room where he had spent those hours with Daniel before the archeologist was carted away to Mental Health.

Reaching the room, Jack opened the door. He came to a dead halt, his heart leaping up into his throat upon seeing Daniel sprawled, unmoving, on the floor, eyes staring sightlessly up at the ceiling.

"Daniel!"

Jack leapt forward and knelt at his friend's side. Daniel's clothes were drenched in sweat, his face beaded with perspiration. As Jack touched the younger man's neck to feel for a pulse, he was alarmed by the extreme heat emanating from Daniel's skin and the racing speed of his pulse. Most unnerving of all was the vacant, fixed stare. He looked dead.

"Daniel? Daniel, can you hear me?"

Getting no response, Jack scrambled to his feet and called the infirmary. Janet answered.

"Doc, I found Daniel in the VIP room he was staying in before. He's burning up with fever and he's just lying there, staring at nothing."

"What? I'm on my way."

After hanging up, Jack returned to Daniel's side. Janet had sounded really worried.

"Daniel? Daniel, it's Jack," the colonel told his friend. "Help's on the way, buddy. You hang in there."

Jack was suddenly filled with anger and guilt over what had been done to Daniel. _'God, what have we done to him? Why did we let this happen?'_

Though Jack knew that it was really only a few minutes, it seemed to take forever for Janet and her medical team to arrive. He was forced to move out of the way as they attended to his friend.

"Pulse is one thirty-seven, BP one seventy-eight over ninety-five, respiration, forty," called out one of the nurses.

"Temp's one hundred and six point two," announced another.

Janet let out a soft curse. "We need to get him to the infirmary, stat!"

Daniel was lifted onto a gurney and rushed away, Jack following closely behind.

Once they were in the infirmary, Janet rattled off a huge list of tests to be taken. Then she turned to Jack.

"I'm sorry, Colonel, but you need to leave and let us do our job," she said.

"What's wrong with him? I thought you said he'd be okay." There was a harsh accusation in Jack's voice.

"I have my suspicions, but I can't be sure until some of the test results come back. Sir, I must insist that you leave. I'll talk to you as soon as I know something for sure."

Jack very reluctantly left the infirmary. He nearly bumped into Sam, who was rushing in.

"Sir! What happened?" she asked breathlessly, apparently having been running. "I heard that they rushed Daniel here."

Jack moved her away from the door. "I don't know what's going on. The doc won't tell me anything. But he's really sick, Carter. He's burning up with fever. His eyes were empty, like he was dead." Jack ran a hand over his face. "God, I don't ever want to see that again."

Jack and Sam parked themselves in the hallway and waited. It was a long time before Janet came out.

"How is he?" the two SG-1 teammates asked at the same time. The pause before Janet replied sent their hearts dropping into their boots.

"He's catatonic," she answered, "and I'm concerned that he may slip into a coma. He has an extremely high temperature. He's suffering from severe tachycardia and tachypnea, which means that his pulse and respiration are very high. His blood pressure is all over the place, fluctuating from dangerously elevated to very low. I'm very worried that he may go into respiratory failure."

"What happened?" Sam asked in a shaky voice, stunned by the news. "Is it a reaction to the drugs or Ma'chello's invention?"

"The test results we got back appear to confirm that Daniel is suffering from neuroleptic malignant syndrome, which is a rare reaction to neuroleptic medication."

"Neuro what?" Jack asked, wishing that the doctor would speak in plain English.

"Many antipsychotic medications, especially those that primarily target dopamine receptors like haloperidol does, can sometimes cause what's called neuroleptic malignant syndrome, NMS for short. But it's extremely uncommon, generally affecting only a very small percentage of patients taking such medication."

"So, Daniel ended up going against the odds," Sam said.

Janet shook her head. "I'm afraid that this may be partially due to Ma'chello's Goa'uld killer. Remember how I said before that, now that that thing is out of Daniel's body, the haloperidol could cause his dopamine levels to drop below normal? Well, that's exactly what happened. The problem is that his levels dropped very suddenly and severely. There is strong evidence that an acute reduction in dopamine activity in certain portions of the brain is the basic underlying cause of NMS. I also wouldn't rule out some residual effect from Ma'chello's invention to be the reason why Daniel is suffering from such an extreme case and why it developed so quickly. Just a few hours ago, he had no symptoms at all, and now. . . ." Janet sighed. "I can only be grateful that he didn't get his last dose of medication. If he had, this would have hit him even harder. As it is. . . ."

"What?" Jack asked sharply. "What aren't you saying?"

"He is extremely ill, sir. We're doing all we can to stabilize him. He's on oxygen, and we've got him on several medications to reduce his fever, stimulate dopamine receptors, and treat his other symptoms."

"More drugs," Jack muttered, thinking about all the crap that had been forcibly pumped into Daniel against his will.

"At this point, Colonel, there isn't much else we can do. This hit him so hard and so fast. I wish to God that we'd gotten to him sooner. If only he hadn't left the infirmary."

Sam's stomach was tied into a tight knot of fear. "Is he going to be okay?"

"I wish I could say for sure that he is," Janet replied. "Normally, the mortality rate for NMS is very low, if treatment is received in time, but Daniel is suffering from an extremely severe case, and his exposure to Ma'chello's invention is an added factor that may be making things worse. He has some other chemical imbalances that I can't blame on the NMS or the haloperidol. Right now, my biggest concern is getting his temperature down. The dantrolene we're giving him is usually very effective in rapidly reducing extreme temperature elevations. Unfortunately, there are other dangers to worry about, including renal failure and cardiovascular collapse."

Jack was getting progressively more frightened, trying to grasp the fact that they could lose Daniel. "How long before you know if he's going to be all right?"

"The next few hours are going to be the most critical. If he starts to show an improvement in that time, then I'll be a lot more optimistic." Janet looked at the two very worried faces. "You should both get some rest, especially you, Colonel. You had three of those things in you."

"I'm fine. Besides, so did you, and you're not resting."

Janet smiled very faintly. "I guess I can't argue with that."

"We'd like to see him," Sam said.

The doctor shook her head. "Until we get his temperature down, you'd just be in the way."

"Then we want to see Teal'c," Jack stated, determined to get into the infirmary one way or another.

"All right."

All three of them entered the infirmary. Jack's and Sam's eyes immediately went to where a group of nurses were gathered around Daniel. The archeologist was hooked up to several IV's and monitors, an oxygen mask over his face. He was naked from the waist up, the sheet probably the only thing covering his lower half. Ice packs had been placed on various points of his body. Both Jack and Sam desperately wanted to go to him. Instead, they went to the bed that held their other teammate. Teal'c was conscious and sitting up in the bed.

"O'Neill, Major Carter. What is wrong with Daniel Jackson?" he asked. "I attempted to speak to one of the nurses, but I could not attract her attention."

"He's having a really bad reaction to the drug they gave him in the hospital, Teal'c," Sam explained, figuring that she didn't need to go into details right now.

"Will he be well?"

"The doc doesn't know yet," Jack replied, "but you know Daniel. He's a tough guy to kill, and he's as stubborn as they come. He'll be fine."

Jack and Sam both found chairs and sat facing Daniel's bed across the room. They were all silent for a long while.

"This should never have happened," Sam said in a low, anguished voice. "Daniel should never have been put in that place."

"I know, Carter," Jack agreed.

"We should have figured out right away that it was something alien causing his symptoms. I think of all the things we've encountered through the Stargate, the disease on P3X-797 that caused us to turn into neanderthals, the nano-virus on Argos that aged you, Daniel's addiction to the sarcophagus. All those things yet we didn't say a word about any of that when MacKenzie spouted off his theory about Stargate-induced schizophrenia. We didn't do a thing to try and figure out if it was something else. We just stood there and let them take Daniel away."

Jack didn't say anything in reply. He knew she was right. They had all made a terrible mistake and betrayed Daniel's trust.

"How is he ever going to forgive us?" Sam whispered, tears in her voice.

Jack closed his eyes for a moment, then focused on his hands. "I'm the one who's to blame the most, Carter. I'm Daniel's C.O. It's my job to watch out for him. I should have gone over MacKenzie's head and asked Hammond to hold off on letting them take him."

"Janet approved it, sir, and she has the authority to override the general on medical matters."

"Yes, but I could have held them off long enough to try and convince Hammond and Fraiser to let Daniel stay on base. We could have taken care of him. Instead, I didn't do a damn thing. And not only did MacKenzie's drugs not help Daniel, they made him worse. When I saw him like that in that padded room—" Jack broke off, trying to push the horrid memory from his mind.

He looked over at the archeologist. If Daniel died, it would be on Jack's conscience for the rest of his life. He'd never forget that his best friend died with the knowledge that Jack had betrayed him.

* * *

The next several hours passed with agonizing slowness. The medical staff had succeeded in lowering Daniel's temperature to a level that was not dangerous, and some of his other symptoms had eased, but he was still in guarded condition. He had been moved to the bed beside Teal'c's in Intensive Care.

"I feel that I bear great responsibility for what has happened to Daniel Jackson," Teal'c somberly admitted as he stared at his friend's unmoving form. "At the time that Doctor MacKenzie stated his belief that traveling through the Stargate could cause physical and mental difficulties, I failed to state that such a thing was not likely. While in the service of Apophis, I knew of many human slaves who were taken repeatedly through the Stargate, yet none of them were harmed by doing so. No Jaffa I know has ever said that they knew of such a thing happening. Yet, I did not think of these things until a short while ago. If they had come to my mind in the beginning, I may have been able prevent Daniel Jackson from being taken away."

"Yeah, well, this whole thing was a huge mistake right from the start," Jack said. "It should never have happened."

Just then, they all heard a familiar and very unwelcome voice. They turned to see Doctor MacKenzie talking with Janet. An irrational rage filled Jack. He jumped to his feet and strode over to the two doctors.

"You." He pointed an accusing finger at the psychiatrist. "You did that," he gestured at Daniel, "you and your damn theories and your drugs."

"Colonel O'Neill, please calm down," MacKenzie said in a tone of voice he probably used on difficult patients. "My treatment of Doctor Jackson was perfectly logical given the symptoms he was exhibiting. I certainly had no desire for him to become ill. Nor did I have any reason to suspect that he would. NMS only happens in—"

"Oh, I know all about the odds, MacKenzie," Jack interrupted. "Doctor Fraiser already told us. That doesn't change the fact that he's lying in that bed now because you were so quick to present your little pet theory that you didn't even consider for one second that it might be something else."

"Sir, Doctor MacKenzie did have good reason to—" Janet began.

Jack rounded on her. "Don't you _dare_ defend him. You're as guilty as he is. After everything you've seen come through this infirmary, how could you just toss out all that experience and accept some dumb-ass, unproven theory from some guy who's never even set foot in the gate room, let alone gone to another planet? Where was all your medical expertise when Daniel needed your help?"

Janet's face went utterly white.

"Colonel O'Neill, that's enough!" bellowed a voice from the doorway. General Hammond came into the room.

"No, it's not, sir," Jack said. "It's not nearly enough. I don't want that man," he stabbed his finger at MacKenzie, "anywhere near Daniel ever again."

Hammond looked at the psychiatrist. "I think it would be best if you leave, Doctor MacKenzie."

"General—"

The base commander did not allow him to finish his protest. "Do you have a medical reason to be here?"

"No, General. I was just—"

"Then please leave. Now."

A deep frown on his face, the psychiatrist left with as much dignity as he could muster.

"And don't let the door hit your ass on the way out," Jack muttered under his breath.

"Colonel, I want you in my office in five minutes," Hammond commanded, then left.

Knowing that he was about to get his butt chewed off, Jack went over to Daniel's bed and gave the archeologist's hand a brief squeeze. "I'll be right back, Daniel." Then, after shooting Janet a glare, he left the infirmary.

Sam watched him leave, then turned to the doctor, who had come up to the bed and was looking at Daniel with a stricken expression on her face.

"Janet, the colonel's just angry," Sam told her. "I'm sure he didn't mean what he said."

"Oh, I think he did, Sam." Janet's voice was just the slightest bit unsteady. "But whether he did or didn't does not change the fact that he's right. What he said is true. After all the things I've seen during my time here, all the strange, terrifying and amazing medical events, I should have suspected that some kind of alien organism was the cause of Daniel's illness."

"Didn't you run all kinds of tests on him?"

"Yes, and none of them showed anything except for the increased dopamine levels, but I still shouldn't have jumped to the conclusion that Doctor MacKenzie was right. I should have considered the possibility that, if it was some alien organism, conventional tests might not show anything." Janet returned her gaze to Daniel. "My incompetence put him in that bed." She then turned and left.

Sam met Teal'c's eyes for a moment, then she turned to Daniel. She brushed his cheek with her fingers. "Please be all right, Daniel. We need you to be all right."

* * *

"Colonel, what possessed you to verbally attack both Doctor MacKenzie and Doctor Fraiser in the infirmary like that?" General Hammond asked about two seconds after Jack entered the office and closed the door.

"I apologize for making a scene, sir. I was just really angry. And I'm worried about Daniel."

"We're all worried about Doctor Jackson, Colonel, and we're all sorry that he was misdiagnosed and sent to Mental Health, but your issue with the doctors should have been aired in private."

"Sir, if I'd been alone in a room with MacKenzie, I'd probably have broken his jaw. I saw him standing there, and I just lost it. That quack has no business being here. He has no clue about the kind of nasty stuff that we encounter out there on other planets."

"I suspect that you may be right, Colonel, but that does not change the fact that you should have kept your grievances to yourself until you could lodge a formal protest."

"Yes, sir."

The general's voice softened. "Jack, Doctor MacKenzie and Doctor Fraiser are not the only ones to blame for what happened to Doctor Jackson. I bear some responsibility as well since I chose not to interfere and failed to consider other possibilities."

"Oh, you're not the only one, sir," Jack bitterly responded. "I've seen with my own eyes the kind of things we've run across out there. Hell, I've personally experienced more than one nasty illness or physical reaction to something encountered off-world. Yet it wasn't until after Daniel had been taken to that . . . that place that I really started to think about what else could be causing his problem. I mean, for cryin' out loud! We'd just come back from a planet where we found the bodies of nine Goa'uld who died under mysterious circumstances. I should have figured out right off that there was a connection."

Hammond let out a weary sigh. "We were all too quick to accept Doctor MacKenzie's diagnosis, Colonel, and we all owe Doctor Jackson an apology."

"I just hope we get the chance to give it to him."

"Doctor Fraiser said that his condition is improving."

"Yeah, but, even if he does recover, we may still lose him."

"You think he may resign?" Hammond asked, concerned.

"Wouldn't you if you were in his place? Could you work side-by-side with people who betrayed your trust like that and let you be locked up in a looney bin? You didn't see him when he was there, General. He looked so scared and alone, so . . . desolate. If I was Daniel, I'd probably never want to lay eyes on any of us ever again."

"I hope you're wrong, Colonel. I do not want to lose Doctor Jackson. He is a great asset to the Stargate Program, and he is a man whom I deeply respect and admire."

"We'll all lose a lot if Daniel leaves." _'I'll lose one of the best friends I've ever had.'_

* * *

For those of you who are wondering about Autumn of '73, yes, I know it's been a long time since I posted a chapter. I've been dealing with a lot of personal issues lately, which not only took the lion's share of my time, but also scared away my muse. Finishing this story is just about the only thing I've managed to write in months. But do not despair. I hope to get back to Autumn of '73 soon.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Daniel's teammates seldom left his side as the hours continued to pass. Teal'c had been transferred out of the ICU and into the main ward quite some time ago, but he had yet to spend any time in his bed there. Though Janet knew that they should all be getting some rest, she didn't even suggest that they do so, recognizing that they needed to be here. The guilt they were feeling was plain to see on their faces, even on the normally stoic Jaffa. If being with Daniel helped in some way, she certainly didn't have the heart to make them leave.

Jack stared at the man lying so still on the bed. He was grateful that Daniel's eyes were now closed. He didn't think that he would ever forget the sight of his best friend lying on the floor, eyes staring vacantly up at the ceiling. It was a memory that was going to haunt him for a long time to come. This whole thing was going to haunt him for a long time to come. And the guilt, it wouldn't be going away any time soon either, if ever.

It was about two a.m. when Jack went to get some coffee for himself and Sam. When he returned, Janet, Sam and Teal'c were all huddled around Daniel's bed, staring down at him.

"Sir, we think that Daniel's waking up," the astrophysicist said as soon as she saw him.

Jack quickly set down the coffee and went to the bed. The archeologist's eyelids were twitching, his head moving on the pillow.

"Daniel? Come on, buddy. Wake up," the colonel encouraged.

A moment later, the archeologist's eyes opened a crack. "Jack?"

"Hey there. Welcome back."

Daniel looked about in confusion. "What happened?"

"The medication they gave you in the hospital made you very ill, Daniel," Janet explained. "But you're going to be okay."

The confusion on Daniel's face transformed to fear. "Please don't send me back there," he begged in a tone of voice that was heartbreaking to those gathered around him.

Jack took hold of his friend's hand. "You're not going back there, Daniel," he said soothingly. "Don't you remember what happened? You had an invention of Ma'chello's inside you. That's what made you act like you did."

The confusion was back. "Not a dream?" Daniel asked hopefully.

"No, it wasn't a dream. You're not crazy. You were never crazy."

A single tear slid down Daniel's face to wet his hair. "Afraid it was a dream," he whispered. Then his eyes fluttered shut, and his breathing deepened.

Janet checked his pulse. "He's asleep. He'll probably be out for a while. But I believe he's going to be all right. I just got the results back from the latest batch of tests I ran, and they're very promising. His dopamine levels are coming up, and there's no sign that his kidneys have been damaged. His respiration is back to normal, and his BP and heart rate are getting there."

"Then he'll be okay soon?" Sam asked.

"It will take a while for him to fully recover," Janet explained, "especially considering the severity of his case. I'm afraid that he could have lasting symptoms for as long as three weeks."

"What kind of symptoms?" Sam asked.

"Muscle rigidity and tremors, among other things, and until all of the chemical imbalances return to normal, there may be some mental and emotional problems as well, including depression. But, in time, it will pass." Janet glanced at Jack, whose eyes she did not meet. "All of you need to get some sleep. You're not going to do Daniel any good if you're exhausted."

"Okay," Jack said. "We'll leave in a few."

He watched the doctor leave, now feeling a little guilty about the things he said to her. Though he was angry and disappointed in her for having bought into MacKenzie's garbage about Stargate-induced schizophrenia, the truth was he and his teammates all owed their lives to her several times over.

Turning back to the others, Jack saw that Sam was stroking Daniel's hair and appeared to be on the verge of tears.

"He sounded so scared," she said in hardly more than a whisper. "I think of what it must have been like for him there, locked up in that room and so afraid that he was going to be like that for the rest of his life." She dashed a tear from her cheek. "Excuse me." She brushed by Jack and fled the infirmary.

"Major Carter is very upset by the events that have transpired," Teal'c said.

"We all are, Teal'c."

"Indeed. I, too, feel a great sense of guilt that I did not suggest that Daniel Jackson's illness was caused by some outside force. During my years in the service of Apophis, I encountered far more strange occurrences than you have in the relatively short time that you have been traveling through the Stargate."

"There's plenty enough guilt to go around, Teal'c."

"Do you believe that Daniel Jackson will give us forgiveness for our actions?"

"I don't know. If I was in his place, I'd have a really hard time doing so. But I'm not Daniel. He's a whole hell of a lot more forgiving than I could ever be, more forgiving than most people are."

As Jack headed off to his quarters and Teal'c to his bed in the main ward, the colonel fervently hoped that Daniel's incredible capacity for forgiveness would enable him to forgive them.

* * *

Janet quietly entered the ICU, which was now empty except for Daniel. Coming up to the bed, she saw that the archeologist was restless, his eyes darting back and forth beneath his eyelids as he dreamed.

"No," he mumbled. "Not crazy. Please don't leave me here alone."

Janet had always prided herself on her ability to maintain control of her emotions even in the worst situations. But standing there, hearing the fear and anguish in Daniel's voice, she felt something crack open inside her, and she began to cry. She reached out and stroked Daniel's head.

"I'm sorry, Daniel," she whispered. "I am so, so sorry. I failed you, as your doctor and as your friend. I am so ashamed of how I let you down. I'll understand if you can never forgive me. I would never expect you to."

Turning away, Janet was surprised and appalled to see Jack O'Neill standing a few feet away, watching her. Embarrassed, the doctor quickly wiped away her tears and started to move past him. Jack stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

"Janet," he uttered softly. "Look. I'm sorry about what I said. I was out of line. You didn't deserve that."

Janet's eyes met his. "Yes, I did, Colonel. I deserved every word. You were right. I shouldn't have accepted Doctor MacKenzie's theory so readily. I should have pursued other possibilities. I looked at the results of my tests, saw no other answer for what was wrong with Daniel, and left it at that. I gave up too soon. I have _never_ given up on a patient before, but I gave up on him, and, for that, I will never forgive myself. And what's worse is that I almost made the same mistake with Teal'c as I did with Daniel. Because my tests found nothing present in Teal'c's body, I doubted what Daniel was telling me. If I had not chosen to give him the benefit of the doubt, Teal'c would have died." She straightened her shoulders. "I am seriously considering submitting a request for transfer from this facility."

"What? Come on, Doc. Don't do that. Yeah, okay, so you screwed up. We all did. So, you found out that you're human and imperfect like the rest of us. Don't quit the SGC because of it. Just . . . just wait and talk with Daniel, okay?"

"Colonel, do you honestly believe that Daniel will want me to continue being his doctor after this? There must be an element of trust in a doctor-patient relationship. My actions will have shattered that trust, possibly beyond repair. I will not force Daniel to submit to treatment from me if he can no longer trust me."

Saying nothing more, the doctor left the room.

"Crap," Jack muttered. With a weary sigh, he took a seat beside Daniel. He had been unable to get any sleep, doing nothing but toss and turn in his bed. He'd finally given up and decided to come back here.

The grey-haired turned to the man lying in the bed. "Everything's really messed up, Daniel. I wish to hell that we never set foot on that planet. I wish we'd never heard of Ma'chello or had anything to do with him or his inventions. He's done nothing but hurt you and cause the rest of us a lot of grief, even now that he's dead." Jack gazed at his friend's sleeping face. "I know that we don't have the right to ask for your forgiveness, but you're the only one who can fix this. I hope that you can give us another chance."

Falling silent, Jack leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, wishing with all his might that he was the one in Daniel's place.

* * *

A noise abruptly roused Jack from sleep. He'd apparently dozed off in the chair. Twisting his neck back and forth to relieve the ache and stiffness, Jack looked over at Daniel and was surprised to see that the archeologist's eyes were open.

"Daniel?"

The younger man's gaze moved to his face, but he didn't say anything.

"Hey, you with us?" Jack asked teasingly, though he was a little worried.

"This is real, isn't it?" Daniel asked after a couple of seconds.

"Yes, it's real, Daniel. You're really here in the infirmary. You're not in that place anymore. Ma'chello's invention, Teal'c getting sick, you being cured. It all happened."

Daniel's eyes closed, and a sigh of relief rose out of him. "I wasn't sure."

"I'd better get the doc, let her know that you're awake."

Jack told one of the nurses that Daniel was awake and asked her to get Janet. A couple of minutes later, the doctor was there.

"Hello, Daniel," she greeted with a smile, though, to Jack's eyes, it looked a little forced. "How are you feeling?"

"Strange. My muscles are all stiff."

"Yes, that's to be expected. You had a severe reaction to the antipsychotic medication you were given. You were very sick for a while, but you're doing much better now, and, in time, you'll be completely back to normal."

"I remember feeling horrible. It was the drugs?"

"Yes, though I have reason to believe that Ma'chello's little invention might have made things even worse. I'm just glad that you were here instead of Mental Health. This illness hit you very hard and fast. If you had still been in the . . . the area you were placed in and were not being watched closely, by the time someone realized you were sick, it might have been too late."

Janet saw something flicker in Daniel's eyes. Then, all at once, his manner changed, his expression closing off, his gaze turning away. "When can I leave here?" he asked in a voice that was now cool and emotionless.

Trying not to let Daniel's sudden aloofness bother her, Janet replied, "You need to stay in the infirmary for several more days, then I want you to stay on base until you're well enough to take care of yourself, which could be a week or two. It's likely to be difficult for you to get around and do things on your own for a while."

Daniel gave a short nod, saying nothing more, his eyes not meeting hers.

"Well, I've got other work to get back to. Try to get some more rest." Janet hurried away before he could see the sorrow on her face.

Jack stared at the archeologist. "Daniel, I. . . ." he began, then stopped, not sure what to say, how to apologize to his friend.

"I'm feeling a little tired, Jack," Daniel said, not looking at him. "I think I'm going to try to get some more sleep."

"Sure, Daniel. You rest." Jack got to his feet. "I'll, uh, check up on you later."

Daniel remained unmoving until Jack was gone. He then draped an arm over his eyes, trying to shut out the sights, sounds and smells of the infirmary. The problem was that he couldn't shut out his emotions or thoughts.

All his life, the only constant, the one thing that he could always trust and rely upon, was his intellect. It was the abilities of his mind and his quest for knowledge that sustained him throughout the most difficult times of his life. They were his refuge when things got bad, his unquenchable thirst and passion for learning always driving him forward no matter how hard things got.

But then, in the blink of an eye, it was all gone. He could no longer trust his own mind. He couldn't think straight anymore, and he kept seeing things that logic told him were not there. He was lost, cut adrift with nothing to hold onto. His lifetime anchor was gone, and he felt like he was going to drown, to sink beneath the waves, never to surface again. He'd never been so scared in his life. And he had felt so utterly alone, trapped in that tiny white room and filled with drugs that made it even harder to think.

Daniel didn't know how long he was there before his teammates came, probably no more than two or three days, but it had felt like weeks, weeks of fearing that he was going to be like that for the rest of his life, his mind continuing to disintegrate until there was nothing left of it.

Now, his mind was clear, and he was out of that room, but he still felt anchorless and alone, and he didn't know if anything would ever be the same again.

* * *

Later that morning, Jack returned, along with Sam and Teal'c, the Jaffa having been released from the infirmary.

"Hey, Daniel," Sam greeted in a quiet voice. There was uncertainty in her tone.

"Hey," Daniel said back, looking at her for only a brief moment before returning his gaze to the bedcovers.

"So, how are you feeling?" Jack asked.

"Better than before, I guess."

The virtually emotionless response made Jack and Sam exchange a glance.

"I brought you a couple of books to read," the major said, setting the books on the tray.

"Thanks."

Jack tried to catch Daniel's eyes, but the archeologist refused to lift his gaze. "Can we get you anything else? Your laptop? An artifact or two? A bowl of Jell-O?"

The colonel's attempt a levity fell flat when Daniel lifted his hands, and his teammates saw how badly they were shaking.

"I don't think that would be a good idea. Do you?" Daniel stated, not a trace of humor in his voice.

Jack sighed silently. "No, I guess not."

A heavy cloak of silence fell upon the group.

"Is there anything we may do for you, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c finally asked.

"No . . . not anymore," Daniel replied, the last part of his sentence spoken very quietly, but not so quietly that the others didn't hear the faint trace of bitterness.

_'Damn,'_ Jack cursed inwardly.

Daniel's head ducked down further. "I'm, uh, still kind of tired, so. . . ."

"We'll let you get some more rest," Sam responded, struggling to keep the pain out of her voice.

Jack, Sam and Teal'c left the ICU with the sinking feeling that they had lost a friend.

* * *

The days passed as Daniel lay in the infirmary while his body recovered from the effects of MacKenzie's drugs and Ma'chello's invention. He had been transferred out of the ICU and into the main ward, though he'd have preferred remaining in the ICU since it was quieter, and there were no other patients there. Aggravated and frustrated by the rigidity of his muscles and the unnatural slowness of his movements, he spent most of the time in bed.

Across the room, Janet looked up from the chart she was reading. Her eyes went to the figure lying on the bed in the corner. Daniel was facing the wall, his back to everyone. It was a position she saw him in often. The archeologist was quiet, withdrawn, not at all like the man she knew. Though the effects of the NMS must be very frustrating for him, he said nothing, only the deep frown on his face occasionally testifying to his irritation with the temporary disability.

Janet knew that the chemical imbalances in Daniel's brain were partly responsible for his emotional state, but she didn't fool herself into believing that was the sole reason. Daniel was in pain, not physically, but emotionally. She'd watched his interaction with his teammates, seen how distant and taciturn he was, never looking at them for more than a few seconds. It was a terrible thing to see, to watch what had been such a close bond fall apart.

The situation between her and Daniel was no better, his expression equally as closed off, his responses just as short and lacking in emotion. What she wouldn't give for a return of the man who used to gaze at her with those blue eyes of his and oh so sweetly try to convince her that he was feeling much better than he really was so that she'd let him go back to work.

Just then, Sam came in. She approached the bed with an air of hesitation and uncertainty that should not have been there. She moved around to the far side of the bed, facing Daniel, and looked down at him in silence. As Janet watched, the calm expression slipped away from her face, deep sorrow appearing in its place. Seeing that made the doctor realize that Daniel must have fallen asleep.

After a moment, Sam's hand lifted, reaching toward the archeologist's head. Her fingers gently brushed his hair, and Janet could tell that she was fighting not to cry. She left just a few minutes later, and the doctor did not fail to see the sheen of tears when their eyes met for a brief moment.

With a sad sigh, Janet turned away and got back to work, wondering if anything would ever be the same again.

* * *

"Yep. I always knew that you were crazy."

The sneer in Jack's voice cut Daniel to the quick.

"All of those other archeologists knew you were crazy, too," the colonel continued.

"But I was right, Jack!" Daniel insisted, struggling against the straightjacket that held him prisoner. "All of my theories were right!"

"Doesn't matter. You're still nuts, loony, wacko, three fries short of a Happy Meal."

"No! I'm not! I'm not crazy, Jack. Please! You have to believe me!" Daniel begged. Then he saw Sam. "Sam! Please, Sam. You know I'm not crazy, don't you?"

"I'm sorry, but I have to agree with the colonel on this one, Daniel. You're definitely crazy. You saw event horizons in your closet and dead Goa'uld walking around. That sounds like crazy to me."

"But it was Ma'chello! That thing of his did it! You _know_ that!"

"Ma'chello is dead, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c told him, pity on his face. "He could not have harmed you."

"Face it, Daniel. You're insane," Jack said, his voice harsh and cruel. "And you're going to be that way forever."

"Insane! Insane! Forever!" chanted a bodiless voice, cold and taunting.

Daniel watched as Jack, Sam and Teal'c turned their backs on him and walked away, leaving him alone.

"No! Please don't leave me here!" Daniel called, crying. "I'm not crazy! Come back! Come back!"

Daniel awoke with a gasp, eyes blinking open to the sight of the infirmary wall. There was wetness on his face, and he quickly brushed it away. He glanced over his shoulder to see if anyone had heard his nightmare, but all was quiet, and nobody was looking at him.

Turning back to the wall, Daniel wrapped his arms around himself. It was the beginning of the fifth day since his collapse, and the nightmares were showing no sign of letting up. Daniel knew that they stemmed from the fear and anguish he'd felt at being all alone in that padded cell, knowing that he was completely losing his mind and helpless to stop it from happening.

Daniel almost wished that Jack, Sam and Teal'c were with him right now, telling him that they never thought he was crazy. But they _had_ thought he was crazy, hadn't they.

Daniel had been trying to understand and accept what Janet and his teammates did, but he found that he couldn't. He just didn't understand why every one of them – even Jack, who had claimed that he did not buy into the Stargate-induced schizophrenia theory – made no real effort to look into other reasons, to find another answer. Instead, they just stood back and watched as he was taken away.

He had been told him that, because of the chemical imbalances in his brain, he might suffer from depression and other emotional problems. Was that why he was hurting so much? Was it the reason why all he wanted was to hide away from everyone?

Daniel suddenly decided to ask that he be released from the infirmary today. His muscle stiffness and tremors had eased to the point where he could move around well enough to take care of himself. As long as he stayed in the wheelchair most of the time, he'd be okay. He needed to be out of the infirmary, to be alone where no one would hear him when he cried out from the nightmares, where no one would see the tears on his face when he awoke from yet another dream of being abandoned in a cold, white, padded room to die a slow, lonely death.

* * *

"I'd like to be released from the infirmary," Daniel told Doctor Warner, who was the primary physician on duty that morning.

"I think it's a bit too early for that, Doctor Jackson. You're still suffering significantly from the NMS."

"It's not all that bad, not anymore. I can use the wheelchair, and I can move well enough to feed myself and go to the bathroom. Doctor Fraiser said that I could stay in one of the VIP rooms until I was recovered enough to go home." Daniel gazed at him pleadingly. "Please, Doctor Warner. I need to be out of here."

The doctor studied him for a long time. "All right, I'll discuss it with Doctor Fraiser when she arrives."

Daniel came close to asking if the doctor could okay it on his own, but he kept silent. Janet was the chief medical officer. The final okay would have to come from her.

Janet arrived after lunch. Daniel saw her head swivel in his direction when Doctor Warner talked to her, though he was trying to pretend that he wasn't looking. It was a while later before she came to see him.

"So, Doctor Warner tells me that you asked to be released," she said, her voice giving nothing away.

Daniel kept his eyes on his hands. "Yes."

"I would prefer it if you stayed here at least another day, Daniel."

"What difference is one more day going to make, Doctor?"

Janet did not miss the fact that he called her "doctor" rather than by her name. Trying not to let it hurt too much, she replied, "It will allow you to regain more freedom of movement in your muscles, which will make it safer and easier for you to take care of yourself."

Daniel finally looked at her. "Is this really to do with the NMS, or are you afraid that I'll have a relapse and go nuts again?" he asked, a note of bitterness in his voice.

Daniel regretted the words the second they were out of his mouth. He hadn't meant to say that. He didn't even know why he had. He knew that wasn't true, and he felt awful for having said it.

Janet's face had gone pale, her eyes looking like those of a doe that had been mortally wounded, which made Daniel feel even worse.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that," he said quickly. "I know that isn't what you think."

Janet's gaze went to the chart she was holding. "I'll see about getting you put in a VIP room," she said in a tight voice, then she turned and quickly walked away.

* * *

Jack, Sam and Teal'c were in Daniel's office. For some reason even they didn't quite understand, they had all been drawn to the place that so strongly possessed the essence of their friend. Jack was sitting on the corner of the desk playing with an artifact while Sam wandered around, touching things. Teal'c stood silent and unmoving a few feet from Jack.

Sam stopped her wanderings in front of the bookcase that held Daniel's field journals. "We're losing him, aren't we," she said sadly.

Jack put the artifact down. "Yeah, I think so," he admitted in a tired voice.

"Daniel Jackson was deeply hurt by our actions," Teal'c commented.

"What actions? We didn't _do_ anything. That's the problem."

"I have spent many hours in Kel'no'reem, trying to think of what I might do to make restitution for my failure, but no answer comes. I must apologize, but I do not know what words to speak."

"Join the crowd, Teal'c," Jack said. "We all owe Daniel a huge apology, and none of us know what we're going to say to him. It's for damn sure that 'sorry' isn't enough."

Sam sat in a chair. "He won't talk to us. Every time we go visit him, he's so distant and reserved, like a stranger."

"He never looks at me in the eyes," Jack said quietly.

"Do you think he'll request a transfer?"

Jack sighed. "I hope not, but, yeah, I'm afraid he will."

"We must do all we can to prevent that from happening," Teal'c stated.

"The problem is, Teal'c, that I don't know if Daniel will ever be able to trust us again, and, if he can't, then he shouldn't be on SG-1."

Sam looked at Jack. "He wouldn't leave the SGC, would he?"

"I don't know. Sha're's still out there, so I'm hoping that will keep him from quitting."

Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of a young Marine.

"Oh, sorry, sirs, ma'am. I didn't realize anyone was in here," he said.

"What do you want, Sergeant?" Jack inquired.

"Doctor Fraiser requested that someone get a few of Doctor Jackson's books and take them to a VIP room. He's being released from the infirmary and placed in one of the rooms."

"Really? That's good news."

"Yes, sir."

"Let me pick out some books for you," Sam offered. She gathered a few that she knew were among Daniel's favorites. As an afterthought, she also got one of his unused journals and slipped a pen into the binding, thinking that Daniel might like to do some writing.

The Marine took the books from her. "Thank you, ma'am." He turned and headed for the door.

"Wait, Sergeant," Jack called.

"Yes, sir?"

"Do you know which room it was that Daniel stayed in before he was, um, taken to the hospital?"

"No, sir, not precisely."

Jack told him which room it was. "Whatever you do, do _not_ put him in that room. Understand?"

"Yes, sir," the Marine replied, then left.

"I'm surprised that Janet's letting him leave the infirmary so soon," Sam remarked. "We should go visit him once he's settled."

"Yeah." Jack stood up. "Let's meet there in an hour and a half."

* * *

A couple of the nurses helped Daniel get dressed and took him in a wheelchair to one of the VIP rooms. He noted that it was not the same room that he had been staying in before, which was a relief.

After seeing that he was all settled, the younger of the two nurses left. The older one was about to leave when she turned back to him.

"You know, doctors make mistakes, too, Daniel," she said. Then she left.

Feeling like a child who had just been scolded, Daniel sat there for a long while. He glancing over at the bed and noticed that several of the books from his office had been placed on the table beside it. One of his journals was also there. He wondered if he had Janet to thank for that.

Having nothing else to do, Daniel got one of the books and flipped through it, but he couldn't keep his attention on it. He picked up the journal and saw that it was an empty one. A pen had been slipped into the binding. He pulled the pen out and turned the journal to the first page. For a while, he stared at its blankness, then he began to write, his thoughts and emotions pouring out of the pen and onto the paper.

_During these years in the Stargate Program I've come to trust my teammates, General Hammond, Doctor Fraiser, and many of the other people here. But, now, it's all changed. Every time I think about what happened, I feel so angry, bitter and hurt. I feel betrayed by what my Jack, Sam, Teal'c and Janet did, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to fully trust any of them again._

_If it wasn't for Sha're, I really think that I'd quit the program, but I have to stay here for her. But I don't know if I can stay on SG-1. How can I go on missions if I can't trust my teammates in every way? What will happen if, while on a mission, I see or experience something strange or unexplainable? Can I trust that they will be willing to accept on faith that I'm not imagining things? Can I even trust them enough to tell them if something like that does happen?_

What if I'm ever in this kind of situation again? What if I'm exposed to some other alien device or organism that affects me psychologically or emotionally? Will Janet and everyone else yet again assume that a mental illness is to blame?

And then there are the yearly psychological exams that all SG team members are required to have. There is no way that I will allow Doctor MacKenzie to give me a psychiatric exam ever again. I doubt that I'll ever feel comfortable being given one by anybody.

_All things considered, it really would be best for me to leave SG-1. But if I did that, I'd feel like I was letting Sha're down, because I would no longer personally be out there trying to find her._

_I just don't know what to do._

Daniel closed the journal and set it on the table. Feeling very weary all at once, he decided to get some sleep. He crawled under the covers of the bed and closed his eyes. A few minutes later, he was asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Jack, Sam and Teal'c met in front of Daniel's room.

"Do you think he'll be willing to see us, sir?" Sam asked.

"I don't know," Jack replied. His expression firmed. "Either way, we're going to talk to him. We need to get this straightened out."

The colonel turned to the door, lifting his hand to knock. A sudden outcry startled them all. Jack quickly ran his keycard through the slot and threw the door open, rushing in with Sam and Teal'c on his heels. Daniel was in the bed, the covers twisted about him. He was sobbing brokenly.

"Let me out!" he cried. "Please don't leave me here alone. Jack, Sam, Teal'c! Pleeeease."

"Oh, God," Sam whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.

Jack went the bed and started gently shaking his friend's shoulder. "Daniel, wake up. It's just a dream. You're not there anymore." When the archeologist didn't respond, he raised his voice and shook a little harder. "Come on, Daniel. Wake up!"

Daniel drew in a sharp, gasping breath, and his eyes flew open. Jack saw an expression of abject terror and anguish in the blue depths before it changed to confusion. Daniel's gaze locked upon his like a man about to fall over a cliff grasping hold of a rope.

"Jack?" The archeologist's voice was small and scared.

"Yeah, Danny, it's me. I'm right here."

Daniel's eyes darted wildly about the room. "What. . . . Oh." He shrugged out of Jack's grasp and wiped away his tears. "Sorry."

"Sorry? What the hell are you apologizing for, Daniel? You were having a nightmare."

With some difficulty, Daniel untangled himself from the covers and slid upwards so that his back was against the headboard. His gaze had fallen to the bed.

Jack studied him for a long moment. "How often do you have these nightmares, Daniel?"

"I'm okay," Daniel quickly responded, so quickly that Jack wondered what the younger man was thinking.

"Not from where I'm standing," Jack told him bluntly, "but that isn't the question I asked. How often do you have the nightmares?"

Daniel lifted his eyes and stared at him, meeting his gaze head-on for the first time in days. "Why do you want to know? So that you can tell MacKenzie, and he can come up with new theory?"

Jack closed his eyes. _'Crap.'_

"I'm sorry," Daniel said. His gaze was back on the bedcovers. "I shouldn't have said that." He let out a choked little laugh. "I seem to be putting my foot in my mouth a lot today."

Jack stared at his friend. "No, Daniel, _I'm_ the one who's sorry. I am so damn sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry that we _let_ it happen to you. Don't you think that we would do anything to turn back time and change it? I didn't want to believe MacKenzie's theory, but in the VIP room. . . . I didn't know what to do, Daniel. There was no enemy to fight, no strategy I could plan out to rescue you."

Daniel looked at them with eyes that were more accusing than questioning. "Why didn't any of you think that it was because of something alien?"

"I don't know, Daniel," Sam admitted. "I know we should have. It was stupid of us not to. But, except for the dopamine levels, your tests all came back negative, and Janet believed that MacKenzie's theory was the only logical answer."

Daniel stiffened and dropped his gaze. His knees came up, his arms withdrawing into his own little cocoon. "So, because Janet believed him, you did, too. Just like that."

"No, Daniel, not just like that," Jack declared firmly. "I didn't buy MacKenzie's theory, and I know that Carter and Teal'c didn't want to either."

"But you didn't try to find another reason."

Jack let out a sad sigh. "No, not until after they took you away. I thought about what you'd said on the planet, about feeling something brush by you."

Daniel recalled Sam telling him that in the padded cell. He looked at Jack. "But you didn't really do anything about it, did you."

Guilt made it impossible for Jack to maintain eye contact. No, he didn't do a damn thing, none of them did. During the whole time that Daniel was in that padded room, all he, Carter and Teal'c did was talk. They should have gone to Hammond and asked that they be allowed to investigate. They should have told Janet about what Daniel said on the planet. More than that, they should have pointed out to her that her stupid tests might not be infallible.

Seeing the answer to his question on Jack's face, Daniel returned his gaze to a spot on his bent knees.

Jack knew that he had to say something. "Daniel, I swear that, even if Teal'c hadn't gotten sick, we wouldn't have just given up on you. We'd have looked for connections to what happened on the planet."

Daniel wanted to believe that, but he wasn't sure if he could. "You didn't believe me before when I said it had something to do with the Linvris."

"Daniel, you thought that nine dead Goa'uld all wanted you for a host," Jack reminded him gently.

Daniel let out a sigh. "Yeah, I guess it's no surprise that you thought I was insane."

Jack looked at him intently. "I didn't, Daniel. I didn't think you were insane."

Daniel's piercing blue eyes skewered him. "Not even when you saw me in that . . . that room?"

Yet again, Jack found that he was unable to continue meeting his friend's eyes.

A heartbreakingly sad smile curved Daniel's lips. "That's what I thought." He wrapped his arms around his chest in a self-hug and ducked his head.

_'Dammit,'_ Jack cursed to himself. "Daniel, I may have believed at that point that you were . . . nuts, but I still didn't want to believe that it was only because of going through the Stargate."

"Neither did I," Sam stated.

"Nor I," Teal'c added.

"We were all floundering, Daniel. None of us know much about mental illness, what causes it. Even the experts don't know a lot of things. We'd never encountered anything on a planet that drove people insane, so we didn't know what could be causing it."

"But those are just excuses," Jack stated. "We screwed up, all of us. I know that no matter how many times we say 'I'm sorry', it isn't going to make up for that, but I hope that you can give us another chance."

Daniel did not speak for several seconds, trying with all his might to hold together his crumbling self-control. "I-I don't know if I can," he admitted. "I don't know if—" His breath caught, his eyes clamping shut as his emotions quite suddenly overflowed. "I was so scared," he whispered. "All my life, ever since Mom and Dad died, the one thing I had that never failed me, the thing I could always count on, was my mind, my ability to reason. But then it failed me, too. I couldn't think. I couldn't concentrate. I saw and heard things that weren't there. I couldn't trust my own mind anymore." Daniel's tears finally started leaking out. "I wanted someone to tell me that it was all a mistake, that I wasn't really crazy, and they were going to find a cure. But nobody did, nobody did anything to help, and I was so afraid that I was going to be like that forever."

Jack felt his heart tear wide open. He grasped his friend's shoulder tightly. "God, Daniel. I'm sorry."

Sam came around to the other side of the bed and wrapped her arms around the archeologist, tears pouring down her face. Teal'c laid a gentle, comforting hand on Daniel's leg.

"We're so sorry, Daniel," Sam said in a voice choked with anguish. "Please forgive us."

A sob caught in Daniel's throat. A part of him wanted to just let go, to allow his teammates to give him the comfort that he had so desperately needed from them before. But the other part of him, the part that still bore the feelings of pain and betrayal, wouldn't let him.

With an effort, Daniel regained control of his emotions and pulled away. Though she really didn't want to, Sam released him. He wiped his face dry, too embarrassed to look at any of them. His friends watched as he visibly reconstructed the walls, withdrawing back into himself. It hurt terribly to see it happen, especially knowing that the reason for it rested squarely on their shoulders, the people he should have been able to trust implicitly.

"Do you want us to let you get some more rest?" Jack asked, recognizing that the younger man needed to be alone. His question was answered by a faint nod of the head.

Sam reached out a hand to touch Daniel's hair, but halted midway. With an inaudible sigh, she dropped her hand back to her side. As she wiped away her tears, she turned and headed out of the room, followed by her two teammates.

"God, this is horrible," Sam said after the door was closed behind them. "We hurt him so much. Do you think he'll ever be able to give us another chance?"

"I don't know, Carter," Jack answered wearily. "I really don't know." He looked at the door. "I've never seen him like that before, except for when he was all messed up by the sarcophagus. He's so. . . ." 'Fragile' was the word that came to his mind but was left unspoken.

Though he had not finished his thought, Sam knew what he meant. "Janet said that some of the chemical imbalances are still affecting him. His serotonin level is low, and that can cause depression. She hopes that it will get back to normal soon."

Jack wanted to hope that, once Daniel was back to normal physically, everything would be fine and he would immediately forgive them all, but the colonel wasn't that naive. He knew that, though the chemical imbalances might be affecting Daniel's emotional state, the anger, bitterness, and pain were real and would not magically disappear.

Jack, Sam and Teal'c walked away, hoping that, somehow, Daniel would find in his heart the ability to forgive them.

* * *

For the rest of that day, Daniel stayed cloistered away in the VIP room. He tried to rest, but his sleep was filled with nightmares of being left alone in the padded cell, all his friends looking at him pityingly as he fell deeper and deeper into madness. People he knew from the archeological community were there, commenting on how he'd always been crazy, and it had only been a matter of time before he cracked completely. The worst dreams of all were the ones where his teammates called him crazy, and then Sha're came in and said the same thing, laughing at him and telling him she was going back to Apophis.

He thought about doing something to take his mind off everything, but, even if he could move around well, he lacked the desire to do much of anything, so he stayed mostly in bed, even his attempts to watch TV not helping.

It was nearly nine p.m. when Daniel picked up the journal again. He tore out one of the pages and began to write.

_Dear General Hammond,_

_I respectfully request that I be transferred from SG-1. After what happened, I feel that I can no longer be a part of the team._

Daniel stopped writing and stared at the words, feeling like they were a betrayal of Sha're and his quest to save her.

Sudden anger ripped a sharp curse from his throat. He crumpled up the paper in his fist and threw it across the room. It hit the door and landed a few feet away.

A knock on the same door startled him. He hesitated before telling the person to enter. The door opened to reveal General Hammond.

"Good evening, Doctor Jackson. I hope I didn't wake you."

Surprised by the man's visit, Daniel said, "Um, no, I was awake."

Hammond noticed the piece of paper and picked it up. When he spied his name on it, he partly smoothed it out and read the words. A sad, silent sigh escaped his lips as he lifted his gaze to Daniel, who was now staring at his lap. The general wheeled a chair over beside the bed.

"Doctor Jackson . . . Daniel. I cannot begin to express how sorry I am about what happened. I know that I had a part in it, too. As the commander of this base, it is my responsibility to look out for the welfare of my people. It is my job to question what's going on, to look at all sides of an issue and not accept things at face value. I knew that Colonel O'Neill did not believe Doctor MacKensie's theory and that your other teammates had doubts as well. I knew that you believed your symptoms were connected to what happened on your mission. In these years that I've known the four of you, I have come to trust your judgment and your instincts. Time and again they have proven to be right. Yet, instead of questioning that theory of Stargate-induced schizophrenia and considering that there might be another explanation, I chose to accept it. In doing so, I failed in my duty to you, as your commander . . . and as your friend."

Surprised by those last words, Daniel looked at the man. He could see sorrow and deep regret in the pale blue eyes.

"I know how much this is hurting your teammates, Daniel. They care about you very much. Doctor Fraiser cares as well. If it was possible, every one of us would do everything in our power to change what happened. But, sadly, we don't have that ability. All we can do is make sure that something like this never happens again."

The general leaned forward. "I cannot ask you to forgive any of us for the way we failed you. I don't have that right. I can only ask that you give us one thing: time. I know that you're hurting and angry, but please don't rush into a decision that you may regret later. Once you're well, if you want some time away, I will be glad to give you some leave, as many days as you need." Hammond looked deeply into the archeologist's eyes. "Don't give up on SG-1 yet, Daniel. That's all I ask of you."

Daniel's gaze fell from the older man's. He drew in a slightly unsteady breath and nodded once.

"Thank you," General Hammond said. He got to his feet. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

"No, sir."

"All right, then. I'll let you get some sleep."

After the general had gone, Daniel stared at nothing in particular. He knew that Hammond was right. He shouldn't make any decisions now. His emotions were still too close to the surface.

He reached for the light and turned it off. In the darkness, Daniel wondered how long it would be before he didn't hurt so much.

* * *

The next day passed slowly, not just for Daniel but also for his teammates. They wanted to see him, but they had all agreed to let him be the one to reach out to them. When he was ready to see them, he would call.

The symptoms caused by the NMS were gradually fading, Daniel's muscles slowly loosening, the tremors disappearing. He began to exercise, hoping that it would help. He focused his whole will upon it, trying to force the stiffness and rigidity from his body. It didn't seem to do much good, but he kept at it since the exercise served another purpose as well: keeping his mind occupied.

Daniel was not the only one who spent a lot of time exercising. Jack was in the gym that day way more than usual. He pushed himself mercilessly, ignoring the ache in his muscles and the exhaustion of his body.

While he was hitting the weights, Sam was in her lab, working nonstop. Every time she paused, her guilt and shame would return full force, and she'd feel like hitting something. Teal'c spent most of the day in his room. Several times, he attempted Kel'no'reem, but found that he could not achieve a full state of relaxation.

As for Janet, because of her distracted thoughts, she chose to go home early. Cassie was very surprised when she came home from school and found her mother there.

"Mom, what's wrong?" she asked. "Why won't you tell me?"

Janet gazed at her adopted daughter. This was not the first time that the teenager had asked that question. The day that Daniel was taken away to the psychiatric ward, Cassie had seen immediately that Janet was upset about something. The doctor hadn't had the heart to tell her daughter about Daniel's condition, so she said that she couldn't say anything because of doctor-patient confidentiality.

Janet sighed quietly. "I made a mistake, Cassie, a terrible mistake."

Cassie sat on the couch beside her. "What kind of mistake?"

"A misdiagnosis. Because of it, someone was . . . hurt very deeply."

"They didn't die, did they?"

"No, thank God, but he suffered something that . . . that may have lasting repercussions."

Seeing the sorrow and guilt on Janet's face, Cassie put an arm around her. "But you didn't do it on purpose, Mom. It was a mistake."

"When doctors make mistakes, Cassie, it can destroy lives. I've made mistakes in the past. No doctor is perfect. But, this one was inexcusable."

Cassie didn't know what to say, so she just kept holding her mother. She could only hope that, whatever this mistake was, everything would turn out all right in the end.

* * *

It was after midnight by the time Daniel went to bed, utterly exhausted. Within minutes, he fell into the first deep, dreamless sleep he'd had in days. He woke up the next morning feeling better than he had since his collapse. He was still far from normal, but he almost felt good enough to venture out of his room. Maybe tomorrow he would, actually eat in the commissary instead of having someone bring food to him. And a shower. He was dying for a shower, but Janet had laid down the law that he was not to take one without someone there to aid him, and since having some nurse help him shower was not exactly a comfortable thought, he'd chosen to do without one, making due with a washcloth instead.

As the day progressed, much of it spent exercising, Daniel did a lot of soul searching, about his teammates and himself. He thought about how Jack had stayed with him in the VIP room, refusing to leave him alone. He recalled the anguish he'd seen on Sam's face when they visited him at Mental Health, how she looked like she was going to cry. He remembered the gentleness of Teal'c's voice when the Jaffa told Daniel that there was no one in the room except his friends. In those moments, they had all been friends to him, and they had shown how much they cared. Yes, it was true that they had failed to search for other causes for his illness like they should have, but was he willing to throw away their friendships because of that?

Daniel knew that he needed to talk to them again. There were questions for which he needed to know the answer if he could ever hope to get past what happened and move on.

It was late that afternoon when Daniel finally decided that he felt up to talking to them. His call to them resulted in a knock on his door only a few minutes later.

Daniel could see the tension in Jack and Sam as they and Teal'c stood before him.

"I spent a lot of time thinking today," he said. His eyes met Jack's. "You said that you hoped I could come to trust you again, Jack, but what about you? Can you trust me?"

The colonel frowned in puzzlement. "I don't understand what you mean."

"What if, on a mission, I hear or see something that none of the rest of you do? What if I have a bad feeling about something that you don't share? Will you be willing to consider that there's something to it or just think it's all in my head?"

Caught off-guard by the question, Jack didn't know what to say, so Sam was the first to speak.

"I'd listen to you, Daniel," she assured him. "You know I always listen to your thoughts and trust your instincts. How could I not when you're right so many times? What happened wouldn't change that."

"I, too, have always listened to and trusted your words," Teal'c said, "and I have learned, that, more times than not, you are correct. Your mind is sound, and your wisdom remains. I see no reason why my trust in you would change."

Daniel returned his gaze to Jack.

"Daniel, you know me," the colonel said. "You know that, unless I see it or hear it or feel it myself, I sometimes have a hard time believing some things, especially stuff that sounds a little crazy. That's the way I've always been."

"Yes, but what about now, Jack? Before this happened, if I told you on a mission that I thought I'd heard footsteps inside an empty building, you'd have double-checked the place, then, if you didn't find anything, you'd have told me that I probably just heard the walls creaking or something. But what about now? What would you do?"

"I don't know for sure what I'd do. It would all depend on the circumstances." Jack met his friend's eyes. "But I would never doubt your sanity just because of this whole thing with Ma'chello's little slugs."

Daniel's gaze dropped to his clasped hands. He wanted to believe them, but he couldn't be sure if they would follow through on their declarations if something really did happen. He worried that there would always be a hint of doubt in their minds.

"Daniel, please don't leave SG-1," Sam pleaded. "We need you."

The archeologist didn't reply for a moment. "I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I'm afraid of what you and everyone else will think if something like this ever happens again. I'm not sure if I can trust you to believe that there's nothing wrong with me no matter how crazy something I might tell you is. And I don't know if . . . if I can trust you with my theories and beliefs anymore."

Daniel's confession hit them all hard, driving home how deeply their betrayal of his trust had wounded him.

"I'm so sorry, Daniel," Sam sighed.

"I understand how you feel," Jack said. "If I was in your shoes, I'd probably feel the same way. But I promise you that I trust you. I may not always agree with you or believe that you're right about something, but I trust you." He searched his friend's face. "Don't give up on us, Daniel. Please."

When his words were met with only silence, Jack and the others decided it was time to leave.

As they headed for the door, Sam paused. "Daniel, you need to talk to Janet," she said. "She feels terrible about what happened."

"She's thinking about leaving the SGC," Jack added.

Surprised, Daniel's gaze lifted to Jack. "She is?"

"She feels that it was incompetence on her part that put you in Mental Health and almost ended up killing you," Sam told him. She looked at the archeologist intently. "She's a good doctor, Daniel. She just made a mistake by listening to MacKenzie."

After his teammates were gone, Daniel sat in silence for a long time. Could he stay with SG-1? Could he put all this behind him and come to trust them as he once did?

Once before Daniel had questioned whether or not he could remain on SG-1, only, that time, he was the one who had betrayed his teammates. After the incident with the sarcophagus addiction, Daniel had believed that he could never regain his team's trust and that he didn't deserve that trust. But his team's faith in him had not been destroyed, and they had welcomed him back into their fold. So, could he do the same? Could he give them another chance?

Daniel knew that Sam, Jack and Teal'c were still his friends. He knew that they cared about him, just as he cared about them. If he didn't care, he wouldn't have volunteered to go into the isolation room after Jack, Sam and Janet were infected with more of Ma'chello's Goa'uld killers.

Daniel also knew that, if he ever got into trouble on a mission, his teammates would be there for him. They would protect him, just as they always had. That trust in them was never lost.

Daniel's thoughts turned to Janet. Unlike Sam, Jack and Teal'c, she had fully accepted MacKenzie's theory. She stood back and allowed him to be taken away, then left him in that place without even trying to come up with another explanation. Could he forgive her for that? Could he give her a second chance? He had trusted her without question, because she was his doctor, because she had fought so many times to help him when he was ill or injured, because she had become his friend. When she found out what Hathor had done to him, she was there with her compassion and support. When he fought the addiction to the sarcophagus, she was there at his side, fighting right along with him. When he was in Ma'chello's dying body, she fought with all her might to save him, never giving up. But, this time, she wasn't there at his side, and she _did_ give up. He had to talk to her. He had to know why.

Picking up the phone, he called the infirmary and told the person who answered to have Janet come see him when she had the chance.

Janet arrived about an hour later. For several seconds after she came in and shut the door, they just looked at each other.

"Why, Janet?" Daniel finally asked.

He didn't have to explain the meaning of his question. The doctor already knew. "Daniel, I ran every test I could think of, a CT scan, MRI, EEG, just about every blood test under the sun, and I couldn't find anything, nothing except the elevated dopamine levels. When I contacted Doctor MacKenzie, he told me about his research on Stargate travel causing side effects. He believed that what was happening to you might be linked to it." Janet gazed at him earnestly. "Daniel, I just didn't have any other answer."

Daniel's gaze fell from hers. "So you gave up. You never even considered that there might have been something else, something that your tests wouldn't show."

Janet's voice was full of anguish. "Daniel, I'm so sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I believed in the evidence that the tests showed. I had nothing else to go by. I know that it was a mistake, and I gave up too quickly. I know it was foolish of me not to consider that there could be a hidden cause, especially after everything I've seen. There are no excuses for what I did. I failed you. I will never forget that, because of that failure, you might have lived the rest of your life in a mental ward. Because of what I didn't do, you almost _died_. I made a terrible mistake, and you paid the price. I will never forgive myself for that."

There was a long silence. It was Daniel who broke it.

"Jack said that you were thinking of quitting the SGC," he said.

"Yes."

"I've been thinking about quitting SG-1."

Janet shook her head. "No, Daniel. Please don't. I know you're angry with Sam, Teal'c and Colonel O'Neill for not doing anything to prevent you from being taken away, but there's really nothing they could have done. It was my decision, mine and Doctor MacKenzie's. Doctor MacKenzie believed that he could better help you there."

Daniel choked out a laugh, staring at Janet in disbelief. "Help me? He sedated me into insensibility, pumped me full of drugs that made me even worse, and tossed me into a padded cell where I was left completely alone except for when someone came in to stick more needles into me. I wanted so badly for someone to tell me that I was going to be okay, that they were doing something to help me. But all MacKenzie did was give me more and more drugs. By the time Jack, Sam and Teal'c came to visit me, I didn't have any hope left. I knew that they were never going to believe that the Linvris had something to do with what was causing the schizophrenia. And I was so afraid that I really was insane and would be that way for the rest of my life. Was that helping me, Janet? Was it?"

Janet closed her eyes, feeling sick. She'd made a horrible, horrible mistake, and, because of it, Daniel was forced to suffer through something from which he would probably never fully recover.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered again. She turned to leave. Her hand was on the doorknob when Daniel's voice halted her.

"If it hadn't been for MacKenzie's theory about side effects from Stargate travel, what would you have done?" he asked.

Janet turned back to him. "I'm not sure. The elevated dopamine levels coupled with your paranoid delusions and hallucinations would have led me to a diagnosis of schizophrenia, but because there is no history of the disease in your family, I'd have known that something else was causing it and tried to figure out what, especially since it came on so suddenly, without warning."

"So, it was because of what MacKenzie told you that you didn't look any further."

Janet thought about it for a moment. "Yes, I guess it was," she admitted.

There were several seconds of silence, then Daniel met the doctor's eyes. "I felt like you betrayed my trust, Janet, like you failed and abandoned me," her eyes fell from his, "and I don't know how long it's going to take for me to trust you enough to be completely honest if I'm feeling weird or have strange symptoms after a mission."

Janet gazed at him sorrowfully, not surprised by his words. They were what she would have expected.

Daniel lifted his eyes to hers. "But I understand now that you were just following the evidence, which seemed to support what MacKenzie was saying. I've always believed in giving people second chances, and I'm . . . I'm willing to give you one, too."

Janet gasped as she stared at him in surprise.

"Don't leave the SGC, Janet. We need you here," Daniel finished quietly.

Janet's eyes filled with tears, only, this time, they were tears of relief. She felt like a giant weight had been lifted from her soul. She came forward and, for the first time since they'd known each other, wrapped Daniel in a tight hug. To hell with the rule about not becoming emotionally attached to your patients. She'd thrown out that rule a long time ago when it came to Daniel and his teammates.

Daniel returned the hug. They drew apart after only a few seconds. Janet looked down at him.

"Thank you, Daniel. I know that a lot of people in your place wouldn't give me another chance."

Just then, the phone rang. Daniel answered it.

"It's for you," he said, handing the phone to the doctor. She talked with the other person for a moment, then hung up.

"I need to get back to the infirmary. There was a little accident in the kitchen."

"Anything serious?"

"No, just some minor burns that need to be treated. Before I go, is there anything I can have someone get for you?"

"No, I'm fine." He thought of something. "Actually, there is one thing. Can I please take a shower? By myself? I'm moving around a lot better now, and I promise I'll be careful."

Janet hesitated before replying. "All right. Just be very careful. I don't want you falling and ending up back in the infirmary."

"Thanks."

As Janet turned to leave, Daniel suddenly thought of something else. "Janet, you mentioned that there's no history of schizophrenia in my family. Did you check on that yourself or was it MacKenzie who did?"

"Doctor MacKenzie checked on it."

Daniel stared at her. "What about other mental illnesses in the family? Would that have been a factor in diagnosing me?"

"It all depends on the illness. Any kind of mental illness that involved delusions or hallucinations would be an important factor, as would a family history of mental breakdowns. Why do you ask?"

A deep frown had etched into Daniel's forehead. "Just . . . something I was wondering about." His expression smoothed out. "Thanks, Janet."

The doctor paused a moment, then nodded and left. Daniel's frown remained on his face. A suspicion was beginning to form in his mind, one that filled him with anger. If he was right, he was sure as hell not going to let it pass. But that was something that could wait. Right now, he needed to talk to his teammates again.

Daniel called Sam's lab. "Sam? It's Daniel. I need to talk to you guys again."

There was a brief pause. "Okay, Daniel. When do you want us to come?"

"Whenever's best for you. I'm not planning on going anywhere any time soon."

"All right. I'll talk to the colonel and Teal'c. We'll be by in a while."

"A while" turned out to be a mere five minutes later. Daniel would have laughed at their speedy arrival if the reason for it hadn't been so serious.

Daniel's teammates looked at him expectantly.

"I just talked to Janet," the archeologist told them. "I asked her not to leave the SGC."

His teammates glanced at each other.

"Soooo, what does that mean exactly?" Jack asked, really hoping it meant that Daniel was giving her another chance, not that he was leaving the SGC instead.

"It means that, though it's going to take a while for her to regain all of my trust, I'm not willing to throw everything away."

"You're giving her a second chance?" Sam asked.

"Yes."

Jack stared at Daniel intently. "And us?"

Daniel nodded slowly.

Three smiles lit the faces of his teammates. Well, Teal'c's smile was really just the corners of his mouth turning up and the impassivity of his expression softening. But, for the Jaffa, it was the equivalent of a grin.

Not satisfied with just giving Daniel a smile, Sam came forward and engulfed him in a fierce embrace.

"Thank you for giving us another chance, Daniel," she whispered in his ear. "We won't let you down."

Jack was the next one to come forward. He gave Daniel a hearty pat on the back. "So, when do you think you'll be fit for duty?"

"I don't know. You'll have to ask Janet about that."

"Well, knowing you, Daniel, however long she says it'll be, you'll beat her estimate."

* * *

Daniel may have reached the point where he's willing to give Janet and his teammates another chance, but that doesn't mean that everything is all fixed. After all, there's still two more chapters to go. ;-)


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

As it turned out, Jack was right about Daniel. Because of the severity of the NMS, as well as the other factors, Janet had guessed that it would take a good three weeks for him to fully recover, but she hadn't count on his determination. Over the next few days, his mobility increased dramatically, and the tremors disappeared completely. More than that was the improvement in his psychological state, his mood lifting as the chemical imbalances returned to normal.

Janet was both surprised and pleased by his rapid progress. Twelve days after his collapse, she gave him permission to go back to work in his office, though she made it clear that he was to work no more than eight hours a day. All of his teammates made sure that he did not break that rule.

Three days after Daniel and Janet had their talk, she told him that MacKenzie wanted to see him to discuss any lingering psychological issues caused by what he went through. Daniel adamantly refused to speak with the man. Apparently, the psychologist decided to ignore that, for, a couple of days after Daniel's return to duty, MacKenzie showed up in his office.

"I thought I made it clear that I don't want to speak with you," Daniel said.

"Doctor Jackson, I must insist that we talk," the psychiatrist said in his usual cool manner. "Until I am certain of your psychological health, I cannot allow you to return to full active duty."

Daniel felt his anger toward the man escalate, but did not respond.

Taking his silence as permission to continue, MacKenzie took a seat and gestured toward the chair behind Daniel's desk.

"I'll stand," Daniel said, crossing his arms.

"Very well. According to Doctor Fraiser, your brain chemistry is back to normal, including your dopamine levels."

"That's right."

"Do you feel that you are recovered from the infestation of Ma'chello's invention and the NMS? Have you been experiencing any residual effects?"

"Yes to your first question, no to the second. I'm fine. I haven't seen or heard anything that wasn't there."

"Some of the chemical imbalances you suffered may have caused strong negative emotions, such as anger and depression. Did you find yourself feeling such emotions?"

"Yes, I did."

"Have those feelings gone away?"

"Yes, for the depression, no for the anger."

MacKensie nodded slightly. "Who is the focus of that anger?"

Daniel stared at the psychiatrist, his eyes an arctic shade of blue. "I believe you have a reasonable amount of intelligence, Doctor, despite your shortsightedness. I think you can figure that one out all on your own."

After a moment, MacKenzie said, "I see. And do you feel anger toward Doctor Fraiser as well? What about your teammates?"

"I was angry with them at first, but I've gotten past that."

"So, you no longer feel any resentment toward them?"

"Resentment? No, not really. Not anymore."

"What _do_ you feel toward them?" MacKenzie asked.

"None of your business."

"Doctor Jackson—"

"No," Daniel interrupted. "What I feel toward Doctor Fraiser and my teammates is between me and them. It is not up for discussion or to be picked apart and analyzed by you. They know how I feel, and we're dealing with it. It has no bearing on whether or not I am psychologically fit for duty. Now, if you will excuse me, Doctor, I have a lot of work to do."

The psychiatrist frowned. "I understand your hostility, Doctor Jackson, but you must understand that my diagnosis and the treatment I prescribed for you was the only logical answer given your—"

Daniel didn't let him finish. "I can't believe that you can sit there and tell me that it was the only logical answer for what was going on with me. You've been connected with the program almost from the beginning. I'm sure that you've read mission reports and learned all about some of the things we've dealt with out there on other planets. You know about the virus that turned most of the people on this base into primitives. You know about the alien brainwashing that was done to Sam, Jack and Teal'c to make them think I was dead. You know about the sound waves generated by the plants on PJ2-445 that made us all sick and screwed with our emotions. Yet, apparently, it never occurred to you that what was wrong with me might be caused by something alien."

"My research into side effects caused by Stargate travel was a far more plausible answer," MacKenzie insisted.

"Really. Or could it be that it was the most plausible answer only because it was your theory?"

MacKenzie's frown deepened. "What exactly are you implying?"

"I just have to wonder if you allowed your own bias to affect your judgment."

MacKenzie adopted an affronted expression. "I am a professional, Doctor Jackson. I do not allow personal bias and emotions affect my job in any way."

"Oh, I have no trouble believing that in regards to your emotions, Doctor," Daniel said coldly. He had serious doubts about the man's capacity to feel much of anything, certainly not compassion or remorse. "Now, as I said before, I am very busy, so I would appreciate it if you would leave," he said.

"We still have more to discuss, Doctor Jackson."

"No, we don't."

"Doc—"

"MacKenzie, as much pleasure as it would give me to call someone in here and have them bodily throw you out, that's not my style. However, it _is_ Colonel O'Neill's style, and since he's standing right outside my door, just waiting for the chance to toss you on your ear, I'd suggest that you leave."

MacKenzie turned toward the open doorway. A second later, Jack appeared.

"Taking lessons from the Amazing Kreskin, Daniel?" Jack asked, referring to the world famous mentalist.

"No, Jack. You just put on a bit too much aftershave this morning."

The colonel had the good grace to look embarrassed. His expression then hardened as he looked at the psychiatrist. "Daniel's right. I would just love to see you thrown out on your ass, but I wouldn't have someone else do it. I'd want that pleasure for myself."

MacKenzie stood. "Very well. But I will not clear you for duty until I am satisfied that you are psychologically fit, Doctor Jackson."

"Complain all you want, MacKenzie," Jack told him. "You have no say in the matter."

"I am the program's head of psychiatry, Colonel."

"Who made a colossal error in diagnosis and judgment. It's up to Doctor Fraiser to decide when Daniel's fit for duty, not you. If you don't like it, take it up with her and Hammond."

Choosing not to say any more, the psychiatrist left.

Jack focused his attention on Daniel. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

Jack sat in the chair MacKenzie had vacated. "So, I'm assuming that he wanted to psychoanalyze you."

Daniel settled in his chair. "Yep. He wanted to know how I was feeling about everything and everyone."

"What did you tell him?"

"That it's none of his business."

"Good for you. The guy's a quack. He should have his license revoked." Not wanting to talk about the psychiatrist anymore, Jack changed the subject. "So, what did Fraiser have to say? She examined you today, didn't she?"

The archeologist nodded. "She said that I can probably return to full active duty tomorrow."

"Hey, that's great. See? I told you that you'd beat her estimate. So, I can tell Hammond to put SG-1 back on the roster for missions?"

Daniel paused only for an instant. "Yes."

"Good. I was getting kind of stir crazy around here."

"No. Really?" Daniel said with mild sarcasm. "I'd never have guessed." The colonel had been getting progressively more antsy as the days went by, driving Daniel, Sam and Teal'c all nuts with his repeated visits to them.

Jack's good humor faded. "You sure you're all right, Daniel?"

"I'm fine, Jack," the archeologist answered quickly, perhaps just a bit too quickly.

Jack studied his friend closely. The days that had passed since Daniel told them he was giving them a second chance hadn't exactly been smooth sailing for any of them. Though always independent, Daniel had been even more so lately, refusing any help from his teammates – or anyone else, for that matter – during his recovery. They knew that he had suffered some bouts of frustration over his physical condition, but he refused to talk about it. In fact, he didn't want to talk any more about the entire situation. Jack knew that his friend was trying to bury his emotions in whatever hidden place it was that he kept his sorrow over Sha're most of the time, but the colonel had to wonder if that was a good idea. Could Daniel ever really get past his feelings about what happened if he just hid them away? Jack snorted silently. Who was he to talk? He was often guilty of doing the same thing.

Jack, Sam and Teal'c all knew that Daniel was far from regaining his complete trust in them, that it would be quite a while before the hurt suffered at their hands totally faded away. Yet the fact that Daniel was willing to forgive them and move on was something for which they were all very grateful. Many others in his shoes would not have been able to grant that forgiveness. But forgiving and forgetting were not the same thing, as Jack knew from personal experience. Though Daniel may completely forgive them someday, it was unlikely that he'd ever be able to totally forget their failure as his friends. Jack wished that Daniel would open up to him. A deep twinge of sorrow pierced through the older man. After what happened, would Daniel ever open up to him again?

Pushing aside that depressing thought, Jack said, "I'm heading home, and I was wondering if you would like to come over. We could get some takeout, watch a game."

"I'd like to, but I'm afraid that I've got a lot of work to do tonight. SG-3 brought back some artifacts with writing that I need to translate, and I'm still playing catch-up with the things that piled up while I was . . . incapacitated."

Jack made no comment on Daniel's choice of word for describing his time in Mental Health and the subsequent days of struggling to overcome what MacKenzie's drugs did to him.

"Okay. Maybe another time, then," he said. He then thought of something. "Wait a minute. There is no way that you haven't already worked eight hours today. You're supposed to be taking it easy."

"Ah, well, now that I have a clean bill of health, that no longer applies."

Jack considered protesting, but didn't bother. What was the use? Daniel would simply ignore him and go right on working till all hours of the night. That's the way Daniel was, and no amount of bullying or cajoling would change it.

"Just don't overwork yourself right back into the infirmary," he cautioned his friend. "I'd imagine that you're sick of the sight of that place."

A haunted looked flitted over Daniel's face, then was gone. "That's for sure," he said, the lightness of his tone sounding rather forced.

Tempted yet again to say something, Jack left the office instead. Daniel watched him go with relief. He knew that Jack wanted him to open up, but that was something Daniel couldn't do. Since his parents' death, he'd gotten into the habit of keeping most of his deepest emotions to himself. During his year with Sha're, he had learned to open up more. With his teammates, he had also come to feel safe revealing some of his feelings. But now . . . now, he just couldn't. He was closing himself off again from everyone. Maybe, in time, he'd be able to talk with them again, but not now.

One of the things Daniel would not tell them or anyone else was that he was still occasionally having the nightmares regarding his bout of artificially-induced insanity and his time in Mental Health. They were rare now, and Daniel knew that they'd go away completely in time, but they were still playing havoc with his nerves and sometimes had him awakening in the middle of the night with tears on his face.

With an effort, Daniel returned his attention to the artifact he had been translating. He stared at it for a moment, then set it aside and turned to his computer, deciding that there was something more important that he needed to do.

* * *

Late the next morning, Daniel got a call from General Hammond, asking him to come to the SGC commander's office. When he got there, Janet was there as well.

"Oh, let me guess," Daniel said. "This is about MacKenzie and my refusal to answer all his questions."

"Doctor MacKenzie is concerned that you harbor feelings that may affect your ability to function on missions," the general admitted.

"MacKenzie just wants to study the results of his handiwork."

Surprised at the bitterness in his tone, both Hammond and Janet stared at the archeologist.

Seeing the look, Daniel said, "General, MacKenzie may think that he has reason for his concerns, but I am fit for duty. I won't let my emotions get in the way."

"Sit down, Doctor Jackson," the general said gently. He waited for the archeologist to get settled, then he continued. "What you went through is something I wouldn't wish on any man, and I can fully understand why it's going to take you a while to get past your feelings about it. If I was in your place, I know that I'd have a hard time getting over it. We're just concerned about you."

"I appreciate that, General." Daniel's back straightened. "But I need to tell you that I will not submit to any kind of exam, session or therapy with Doctor MacKenzie. To be honest, I never want to see that man's face again."

"We have no intention of making you do that, Son," General Hammond told him.

Daniel stared at him in surprise. "Y-you don't?"

"No. We could hardly expect you to be willing to open up to Doctor MacKenzie after the part he played in your commitment to Mental Health. The fact is that the good doctor's got a rude awakening in store for him."

"He does?"

"Yes. That was one of the things that I called you in here about. I've scheduled a meeting with Doctor MacKenzie for 1400 hours this afternoon, and I'd like you and your teammates to be there."

Wondering what was going to happen at the meeting, Daniel said he'd be there.

"Now, about your return to full active duty. Doctor Fraiser says that you are completely back to normal physically. Her professional opinion is that you are ready to go on missions again, though she specified that they should be easy ones to begin with to give you and the rest of SG-1 the chance to . . . get back into the flow of things."

In other words, for them to become comfortable with each other again and smooth out any rough patches. Daniel had to admit that he was grateful for Janet's wisdom. She was aware that he still had some emotional issues to work out, both with his team and with her. Insisting on easy missions where there was no chance of things getting dangerous was a good idea. There was still a lot of healing to do.

* * *

Two o'clock came quickly. When Daniel arrived in the briefing room, he found that his teammates were already there.

"Do you know what this is all about?" Jack asked him.

"No, not really, although General Hammond said it has something to do with Doctor MacKenzie."

"MacKenzie? Hey, maybe the idiot's about to get sacked, and we're going to get the pleasure of watching."

Any reply to that was halted by the arrival of Janet. A moment after that, MacKenzie arrived. When he came into the room, he was treated to an angry glare by Sam, Jack and Teal'c. Daniel just stared at him narrowly.

The archeologist's stare came to an end when Hammond came in. The general sat down and looked at everyone.

"I should imagine that you're all wondering why I called this meeting."

"The question had crossed our minds, sir," Jack admitted.

The general pulled out a thick stack of papers from a file folder. "In part, it has to do with these." He turned to MacKenzie. "Doctor MacKenzie, these are all letters from the personnel on this base respectfully refusing to submit to any more psychological evaluations performed by you and asking that another psychiatrist be put in your place. Putting it bluntly, they say that they wouldn't trust you to treat the common cold, let alone be trusted with their mental health."

The psychiatrist flushed. "General, the people on this base have no training in psychology. They don't have the knowledge and experience to understand that, though my diagnosis of Doctor Jackson may have turned out to be partially inaccurate, the evidence behind my diagnosis was perfectly valid."

"Partially inaccurate?" Jack repeated. "You thought the Stargate had made him schizophrenic!"

"I may have been incorrect about the causal factor of the schizophrenia, but the diagnosis itself was correct."

"Excuse me, Doctor, but that's not true," Janet said. "Ma'chello's device caused Daniel's dopamine levels to elevate unnaturally and resulted in schizophrenia-like symptoms, but he never had that disease. The fact that his symptoms went away the moment Ma'chello's Goa'uld killer was removed proves that."

MacKenzie opened his mouth to say something, but Hammond didn't give him the chance. "The point is, Doctor, that roughly two-thirds of the people on this base no longer trust you to have anything to do with their mental well-being."

"Sir, if you'll give me a minute, I'll add a letter to that pile," Jack told his C.O.

"Me too," Sam said.

"As will I," intoned Teal'c.

"Mine's already there," Daniel stated quietly, which earned him a smile from Jack and Sam and a frown from MacKenzie.

"General Hammond, I object to this," the psychiatrist said.

Hammond stared at him. "Object all you want, Doctor. I have a responsibility to the people on this base, and that responsibility includes dealing with problems that affect morale. They have all lost confidence in your skills, and for me to force them to submit to any more evaluations, interviews or treatment from you would be a violation of my duty to them. Therefore, I am recommending to my superiors that another psychiatrist be put in charge of handling those duties. Because of your knowledge and experience, you will keep your job at the Air Force Academy Hospital and will remain a part of the Stargate Program, but you will no longer have direct contact with the personnel on this base unless some special circumstance makes it necessary or advisable for your personal involvement."

Outraged, MacKensie said, "You cannot just strip me of my position here without any kind of formal proceedings, General."

"On the contrary, Doctor, as the commander of this base it is within my power to remove any individual I believe to be detrimental to the morale of the rest of the personnel. I did talk to my superiors, but it was about something else, namely, your research into Stargate-induced side effects. They agreed with me that, from this moment on, any theories or results from that research will be examined by Doctor Fraiser and a team of qualified experts. In addition, any such research will be conducted with another psychiatrist. Let me make it clear that this person will not be your subordinate, and if, at any time, they feel that you are taking shortcuts or making assumptions that you should not, they will report it to Doctor Fraiser and those experts I told you about. What happened to Doctor Jackson has made it clear that a lot more care must be given before we jump to conclusions about the cause of some physical or psychological problem among the people who go through the Stargate." Hammond's face darkened with anger. "I will be damned before I let another person under my command suffer through what he did."

The general's final sentence was met with dead silence. Though it was obvious that MacKenzie wanted to object to everything, he was apparently smart enough to realize that saying anything more right now would be foolhardy, not to mention a waste of breath.

Hammond dismissed everyone. Not surprisingly, MacKenzie left in rather a hurry, his body language making it evident that he was not a happy camper. Daniel followed the man out.

"MacKenzie!" he called when they reached the hallway leading to the elevator. The psychiatrist stopped and turned to him. Daniel walked up to the man.

"We have something to discuss," he said. "Please meet me in my office in ten minutes."

"Doctor Jackson, I have things to attend to," MacKenzie said. "Whatever you have to discuss with me will have to wait."

"Oh, I don't think so, Doctor. This is something that we need to talk about right away. And trust me when I say that it's also something you're not going to want to have discussed in public."

MacKenzie stared at him, an unpleasant expression on his face. "Very well. Ten minutes."

Daniel watched the man leave.

"So, what was that all about?"

The archeologist turned to see his teammates standing a few feet away. Jack was the one who had asked the question.

"Something between me and MacKenzie, Jack. Don't concern yourself about it."

"Well, I'm concerned all the same, though I have to say that it was sweet seeing that pompous ass being taken down a few pegs. As far as I'm concerned, they should have fired him."

"He has a lot of expertise that we wouldn't want to lose, Jack."

"Daniel, you can't tell me that you forgive that man for what he did," Sam said in disbelief.

"No, I can't say that I forgive him, and, as I said in my letter to the general, I'll never willingly submit to any evaluations or treatment from him ever again, but he did do one thing right. Because of that, I'm not willing to condemn him."

"What's that?" Jack asked.

"I'll talk to you later. I need to go see MacKenzie now." Daniel's gaze focused on the colonel. "And you are not under any circumstances to eavesdrop on our conversation, Jack."

"Daniel." Jack's voice had that tone in it that the archeologist knew so well.

Daniel just stared at him, his eyes piercing through the older man. Finally, Jack let out an explosive sigh.

"All right! I won't eavesdrop. You have my word."

Daniel gave a short nod and walked away. He got on the elevator and pressed the button for the eighteenth floor.

The moment the elevator doors closed, Jack turned to Sam. "Carter—"

"No, sir," Sam quickly interrupted.

Jack eyebrows lowered. "'No, sir', what? How do you know what I was going to say?"

"You were going to tell me to spy on Daniel and MacKenzie."

"Daniel didn't make _you_ promise not to."

"No, sir, but I'm not willing to betray his trust like that. Haven't we already done that too much?"

The major's words shamed Jack. He gave another sigh, this one much softer. "Yes, we have. I'm just worried about him, Carter. We all know that he's not fully recovered emotionally from what happened. How could he be? And I also don't trust MacKenzie."

"Do you believe that Doctor MacKenzie may seek to harm, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked, a dangerous note in his voice.

"Not physically, but he might try to mess with Daniel's head."

"I think that Daniel will be all right, sir. He can handle MacKenzie," Sam responded.

"I hope you're right, Carter."

* * *

The psychiatrist was already in Daniel's office when he arrived. The gaze of the two men met as Daniel shut the door.

"All right, Doctor Jackson, what is this about?" the older man asked.

Daniel walked over to one of the bookcases and leaned his back against it, crossing his arms over his chest. "Let me ask you a question, Doctor. Does the name Nicholas Ballard mean anything to you?" MacKenzie's reaction to the name gave the archeologist his answer. "I see that it does. In that case, let me ask you something else, sort of a hypothetical question. Let's say that you had a patient who was exhibiting symptoms of paranoid delusions and hallucinations coupled with elevated dopamine levels. While digging into that patient's family medical history, you learned that his maternal grandfather had made insane claims that an artifact he found teleported him to a place where he encountered giant aliens. This grandfather, after years of being unable to prove his claims, then suffered a severe mental breakdown and has for the past twenty years been in a psychiatric facility, where he has occasionally experienced hallucinations and heard voices. How would that information affect your diagnosis, Doctor?"

"Doctor Jackson, your grandfather was not diagnosed with schizophrenia."

"I am well aware of that. I also know that he checked himself into that facility. The point is that a close member of my family suffered from delusions and hallucinations, and, according to what I've learned from some research I conducted, that would have been a factor in determining what was wrong with me. Yet you failed to mention anything about it to Doctor Fraiser or anyone else. Why is that, Doctor? Why did you choose to hide what you had learned about Nick? Is it because you didn't want your theory of Stargate-induced schizophrenia put into question?"

MacKenzie's mouth opened to say something, but the hard, unwavering gaze of the archeologist halted his words. Finally, he did speak, his voice somewhat subdued. "I believed that there was no connection between what happened to your grandfather and what was happening to you. I believed that my theory was correct."

Daniel's head nodded slightly. "I know." Daniel took a step forward, his arms falling to his sides. "As it turned out, you were right about my grandfather, but you and I both know that doesn't excuse your actions. You screwed up, MacKenzie. You let your desire to prove your theory corrupt your integrity and blind you to other possibilities. If it wasn't for one thing, I'd report what you did to the general and let him take action against you."

"What thing is that?"

"When I asked you to call the base to check on Teal'c, you did. And when you found out that Teal'c _was_ sick, just as I had said, you asked Jack to come to Mental Health. You chose not to ignore me and did the right thing, and, in doing so, you saved Teal'c's life. That shows me that you haven't completely lost your integrity. It's still there somewhere."

MacKenzie stared at him for a long, silent moment. "So, what now?"

"Now, we come to an agreement. I will not tell anyone about your deliberate failure to reveal the information about my grandfather, and, in return, you will not cause any trouble or make any objections to General Hammond's decisions regarding your future participation in the Stargate Program or your research. Furthermore, if anything like this ever happens again to anyone here at the SGC, you will make sure that any diagnosis you come up with is based upon hard evidence, not theories."

"That sounds an awful lot like blackmail, Doctor Jackson."

"Look at it any way you want to, MacKenzie. This is the way I see it. First, you made a mistake that could have resulted in me being committed to a psychiatric hospital for the rest of my life. Second, you willfully and wrongfully chose not to disclose important information about my family history. Those things cannot be forgotten. However, in the end, you did the right thing by contacting the SGC at my request even though you had no real reason to believe what I was saying. You also have knowledge, training and experience that might help someone in the program someday, as it helped me a couple of years ago when you got past the false memories that Nem implanted in Jack, Sam and Teal'c. Therefore, I'm willing to give you another chance to do things right and not let your ambition get in the way of doing your job. But if you ever do something like this again, I _will_ reveal what I know. Count on it."

There was a long pause, then, "All right, I accept your terms." The psychiatrist headed for the door. He paused with his hand on the knob. "You may not be willing to believe this, Doctor Jackson, but I did have the welfare of the Stargate Program in mind when I diagnosed you."

"That may be so, MacKenzie, but I think that you also had your own self-interests in mind."

Saying nothing further, MacKenzie left the office. As he rounded the corner, he nearly collided with a wall of muscle going by the name of Teal'c.

"Doctor MacKenzie, I have heard the things Daniel Jackson revealed. Daniel Jackson is my friend, and you caused great harm to him. If we were on Chulak, I would not hesitate to kill you." Teal'c glared at the psychiatrist like a bug he wished to crush. "I tell you this. If your actions ever again bring harm to him or another of my friends, I will not fail to take revenge upon you."

MacKenzie stared at Teal'c, paling slightly when he saw the truth of that statement in the Jaffa's eyes. He took a step back from the dark-skinned man and made a hasty retreat.

"Teal'c."

The Jaffa turned to see Daniel standing just outside his office door. "Daniel Jackson. I did not intend for you to witness that."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that. So, you heard my conversation with MacKenzie?"

"I did."

"Did Jack tell you to come here?"

"He did not. O'Neill expressed concern for you, and I chose to be here in case you needed my assistance."

"Assistance in scaring the pants off MacKenzie?"

"Doctor MacKenzie was still fully clothed when he left."

A smile crept across the archeologist's face. It didn't last long, however. "Teal'c, I appreciate your concern, and I appreciate what you told MacKenzie, but I need to ask you not to tell anyone what you heard."

"You do not wish for anyone to know of the agreement you made with Doctor MacKenzie?"

"If some people found out about what he did, they'd try to get him fired, maybe even brought up on charges."

"And you do not wish that to happen?"

"No. MacKenzie screwed up, but, like I told him, he did do the right thing in the end, and I'm willing to give him another chance. He's already being punished by having his role in the Stargate Program downgraded. That will be a black mark on his record. As long as he learns his lesson and doesn't do anything like this again, that will be punishment enough."

"And if he does such a thing again?"

"Then I'll tell Hammond what he did."

Teal'c inclined his head. "I believe you have made a wise decision, Daniel Jackson."

"I hope so." Daniel met the Jaffa's eyes. "Um, I'd also appreciate it if you didn't say anything about my grandfather to anyone. He and I are. . . . Well, let's just say that we don't get along. I'd really rather not have to explain everything to Jack and Sam, so it would be best if they don't know about him. Okay?"

"Very well. I will not speak of these things to anyone. I give you my word."

"Thanks." Daniel started to turn away, then stopped. He met the Jaffa's eyes. "It's good to have you as a friend, Teal'c."

The tiniest of smiles curved the Jaffa's lips. "Likewise, Daniel Jackson."

* * *

Though I would dearly have loved to have MacKensie get fired in this story, since he made an appearance in Threshold and was mentioned in Lifeboat, he obviously remained a part of the Stargate Program.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Daniel was more than a little nervous, a feeling he hadn't experienced before a mission in a long time. This would be SG-1's first mission since the whole episode with Ma'chello's Goa'uld killers, and he was worried about how it was going to go. It was a standard recon mission, no signs of intelligent life having been detected within a fifty-mile radius of the gate. Of course, that didn't mean that there wasn't any. The ruins on the planet proved that someone had once lived in the area, and there had been many times in the past when the initial readings from the MALP and UAV had turned out to be wrong, sometimes with disastrous results. Daniel sincerely hoped that this wouldn't be one of those times. His relationship with his teammates was still healing, and he didn't want to have to deal with some life and death situation on this mission, although an entanglement with a troop of Jaffa would certainly succeed in getting all their minds off the events of the past three weeks.

When the wormhole connected, Daniel stared at the rippling blue surface, remembering when he saw the event horizon in his closet. No. He wasn't going to think about that.

"Ready, Daniel?"

Daniel jerked his attention to Jack. "Yes. Yes, I'm ready."

"Okay, then let's go. There's a planet waiting for us to explore."

The four members of SG-1 ascended the ramp and stepped through the wormhole. They came out the other side onto a flat, rocky plain. Daniel's gaze immediately went to the ruins around a quarter-mile away.

"All right, let's check out those ruins," Jack said. "Daniel? Would you like to lead the way?"

Surprised, Daniel stared at the colonel. He'd never been allowed to take the lead before. Was this Jack's way of telling him that they trusted him?

"Um . . . sure," he replied.

It didn't take them long to reach the ruins. Once they were there, Daniel became absorbed in studying the ancient structures. His teammates watched him work, happy to see that he appeared to be relaxing. As far as the Stargate Program was concerned, this was not an important mission, but as far as SG-1 was concerned, it was _very_ important. There were bridges that needed rebuilding, a foundation of trust that needed to be repaired, and, hopefully, the next few missions would do that.

It was no surprise that the ruins yielded very little of interest, although they did confirm that the people had apparently been under the rule of a Goa'uld, the name of which was not revealed. Daniel was not yet ready to call it a day and wanted to investigate some more.

"The UAV spotted some other ruins several miles from here, didn't they?" he asked.

"Yes, but we couldn't get there and back before nightfall," Sam replied.

"We brought our packs."

Jack, Sam and Teal'c exchanged a glance.

"You wouldn't have a problem with staying here overnight?" Jack questioned.

Daniel frowned. "No. Why would I?"

"No reason. I just thought that you'd like this to be a short mission."

Daniel stared at the colonel. "Jack, I'm fine, no residual effects. Janet gave me a clean bill of health, remember?" He paused. "Or do you think there's another reason why I wouldn't want to stay overnight?"

Jack detected the slight hint of tension in the archeologist's voice and quickly said, "No, no. Just wanted to make sure you were up for it, that's all. All right, let's go back to the gate and let Hammond know that we're extending the mission."

Once they'd informed the SGC that they were staying the night and gave an estimated time for their return, they headed out in the direction of the other ruins. As they walked, Sam struck up a conversation with Daniel. Jack and Teal'c joined in a few minutes later. As the conversation progressed, they felt themselves slip back into their old comradery.

SG-1 reached the edge of a small stretch of forest. As they entered it, they slowed their pace, eyes and ears more attuned to their surroundings. Here, it would be easier for someone to sneak up on them.

They made it through the narrow band of forest without incident and came out of the trees to the sight of ruins spread out in the distance, those of a city much larger than the one near the gate. Daniel immediately picked up the pace, eager to reach the structures.

They'd been wandering around the ruins for around three hours when Daniel discovered a stone tablet hidden inside what was left of a temple altar. The tablet turned out to be a brief history of the planet's people. It revealed the name of the Goa'uld who originally brought the inhabitants to that planet, as well as the fact that he was defeated in battle, and control of the planet was taken over by the victor.

"What happened after that?" Sam asked.

Daniel's gaze traveled over the writing. "Well, according to this, the Goa'uld who defeated Anhur was very cruel. The people were worked mercilessly. The Goa'uld would be gone for years at a time, leaving a large contingent of Jaffa taskmasters behind, then would suddenly show up and take children and young adults, killing anyone who objected. The people had begun to suspect that the Goa'uld weren't gods and really didn't like the fact that their children and young people were being taken away, but there wasn't anything they could do about it. They'd thought about revolt, but they knew that a lot of people would be killed in the fighting."

Daniel paused as he read the next few lines. "They'd been under the new Goa'uld's rule for around fifty years when, for some reason, the Jaffa were called away. This says that there were rumors that the Goa'uld was fighting a mighty battle with another one and needed all of his men to assist him." Daniel suddenly began to smile.

"What?" Sam asked.

"They left. One of the people had learned how to use the Stargate and knew the address of a planet they could go to, so the entire population packed up and left."

"Hah!" Jack crowed. "Good for them. I'd sure love to have seen the look on the face of that Goa'uld when he found out that the entire planet's population ditched him."

Daniel nodded. "They wanted to pass on their story, so this tablet was left behind for any humans who might come here in the future."

"Does it say where they went?" Sam asked.

"No, which I guess makes sense. They wouldn't have wanted to take the chance that a Jaffa would find this."

"Well, wherever they went, I hope they had a better life," Jack said.

"Yeah." Daniel gazed at the tablet, thinking about how brave the people had been. It felt good to know that they'd managed to escape the rule of the Goa'uld. Of course, there was no guarantee that they didn't fall under the rule of another one, but Daniel chose to think positively.

Seeing the pleased look on Daniel's face, Jack was happy that they'd chosen to come here. He patted the younger man's shoulder.

"It's nice to get a good bit of news every now and then."

Daniel smiled faintly. "Yeah, it is."

Jack gave him a final pat, then said, "Well, I'd like to get through the forest before nightfall, so we need to get started back."

"I'd really like to look around a little more, Jack," Daniel said. "We might be able to find out the name of the Goa'uld who took over the planet. This tablet doesn't say."

Jack was tempted to put his foot down. At any other time, he might have done so, but would it really hurt to give Daniel what he wanted? The guy had been through a lot, and it was the least Jack could do for him.

"All right, I'll give you two more hours."

"Thanks, Jack."

In those two hours, Daniel did find out the name of the other Goa'uld, and Teal'c revealed that he was killed by a rival Goa'uld some five hundred years ago. Daniel had estimated that the ruins were somewhere around that old and wondered if it was possible that the Goa'uld was killed before he even discovered that the planet's population had fled.

By the time SG-1 reached the edge of the forest, it was too late for them to make it all the way through the woods before nightfall, so they decided to make camp there.

Over dinner, the team talked about the planet's former inhabitants and what they'd done.

"I suppose we shouldn't be surprised that someone actually did that," Daniel remarked. "The ancient Egyptians had the courage to revolt against Ra. What these people did was sort of a revolt, too, just in a different way. It's possible that this wasn't an isolated incident. There may have been others who did the same thing."

"Any Goa'uld whose human subjects deserted him in such a way would seek to hide knowledge of it," Teal'c said. "It would be a great embarrassment to him."

"I can imagine so," Jack responded.

After the meal was finished, they all settled down to a card game. The game didn't last long, Jack winning easily.

"Anyone up for another hand?" the colonel asked as he scooped up his winnings, which was a small pile of pebbles.

"Sure," Sam replied.

"I am willing to play another game as well, O'Neill," Teal'c answered.

"I think I'll pass," said Daniel. His attention hadn't really been on the game.

As Jack dealt the cards, Daniel got to his feet and wandered off a few yards to sit on a small boulder near the tree line. He gazed up at the stars, feeling relaxed. This first mission had gone well. In fact, it was almost like nothing had happened at all, as if it was just another ordinary mission with no special significance. Or at least it appeared that way on the surface. Daniel knew, however, that his teammates' thoughts had probably gone often to the reason why this _wasn't_ just another mission, just as his had. It might take another mission or two before that would no longer be the case.

Catching some movement in his peripheral vision, Daniel turned toward the forest. He froze, the breath halting in his lungs at the sight of two large glowing red eyes staring back at him from the darkness beyond the campfire. The eyes were soon joined by a third, then a fourth. They moved independently of each other, like burning embers floating in the air. Daniel felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

_'It's not real. It's not real,'_ he told himself. _'It's just a trick of the firelight.'_ But what if it _was_ real. It could be some kind of animal, possibly carnivorous. He should tell his teammates. Daniel glanced in their direction, Jack's name on his tongue. But it went unuttered. Instead, the archeologist turned back to the woods. The eyes were moving more rapidly now, jerking this way and that, almost colliding with each other. They looked eerie, unreal. Maybe they _were_ unreal. What if he called his teammates over, and they couldn't see the eyes. What if. . . .

No, he wasn't crazy. There was nothing wrong with his mind. Ma'chello's Goa'uld-killing slug was gone, and he was completely back to normal. He was!

Daniel kept staring at the eyes. What if he alerted his friends, and, by the time they got here, the eyes were gone? What would they think? Would they believe that something had actually been there or would they doubt him?

Daniel's gaze went back to the others. He should tell them. If it was a wild animal, it could be dangerous.

When the archeologist's attention returned to the forest yet again, he saw that the eyes were gone. He searched the darkness, looking for some sign of them, but it was if they had never been there.

Daniel was torn over what he should do. Whatever animal had been there was apparently gone now, but it could return, and if it came back when most of them were asleep in their tents and chose to attack, someone could get hurt or killed. He had a responsibility to his teammates to tell them.

Daniel knew that this all boiled down to a matter of trust. His teammates trusted him to alert them of possible danger, and he needed to trust that they had enough faith in him that they wouldn't just assume he was seeing things.

"Um . . . guys?" Daniel called hesitantly as he got to his feet. "I think there might be something out there."

The attention of the other three members of SG-1 was instantly focused upon him. They rose from their seats and joined him.

"Did you hear something?" Sam asked.

"No, I . . . saw something."

Jack squinted into the dark. "What?"

"Eyes."

The colonel looked at him. "Eyes?"

"Yeah, four of them, glowing red eyes."

"Glowing?"

"The eyes of cats and some other animals glow in the dark when you shine light on them," Sam commented.

"How large would you estimate the animals to have been, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked.

"Judging by the size and location of the eyes, I'd say pretty big. But, uh. . . ."

Jack studied Daniel's face. "But what?"

Daniel took a deep breath. He needed to trust them. "Okay, this is going to sound really crazy, but the eyes were moving independently of each other, almost like they were on separate stalks or . . . or appendages of some sort. I think there was just one animal."

"Soooo . . . you're saying that we have some kind of four-eyed monster out there?"

Daniel said nothing as his stomach tightened, his gaze dropping to the ground. Would they believe him or assume that it had all been in his head?

Jack looked out into the darkened forest, then back at the archeologist. Daniel's body was tense, his expression closed off. Was he waiting for them to say that what he'd seen probably hadn't been real, that it sounded insane? Yes, it did sound kind of crazy, but that didn't mean that it hadn't been real.

Jack realized that, in telling them what he saw, Daniel had taken a leap of faith. He had chosen to trust them, and how they responded would make the difference between him continuing to trust them in the future – or never trusting them again.

"Teal'c, get the flashlights," Jack ordered. "Let's see if we can find any tracks."

Daniel's head lifted, and his eyes met Jack's, filled with gratitude.

The search for tracks yielded nothing, and Daniel began to believe that he really had just been seeing things. They retreated to the campfire, Jack's P-90 sitting on his lap, his gaze going often to the trees.

Daniel sat silently staring into the flames. Maybe he wasn't ready to go on missions. Maybe there was still something wrong with him. What if his brain had been permanently damaged by Ma'chello's invention?

Daniel's teammates glanced at him more than once, not liking what they were seeing. If only they had found some evidence of the thing he saw, some proof that a creature of some kind had been out there. Evidence or not, they couldn't just ignore what he saw. They needed to assume that it had been real.

"I think we'd better do a two-man rotation on the watch tonight," Jack said.

"I was thinking the same thing, sir," Sam responded.

Teal'c nodded. "As was I."

Daniel shook his head. "It was probably just a trick of the light or my imagination . . . or something."

"Hey," said Jack. "I don't know if what you saw was real or not, Daniel, but we all have to assume that it was. We have to be on our guard. Better to be safe than sorry. Right?"

Daniel sighed. "Yeah." He got to his feet. "I'll take the first watch. I'm not very sleepy." He strapped on his holster and walked off to the outer boundary of the camp.

"Crap," Jack muttered. "You know, normally, the last thing I'd want on a mission was to have some alien monster make an appearance, but I'd actually feel better if we did see something."

"He's starting to think that it wasn't real," Sam said. "He's doubting himself."

"Yeah. I thought that the only hurtle we had to overcome was him learning to trust us again, but I was wrong."

"Daniel Jackson has lost his trust and faith in himself as well," Teal'c remarked.

* * *

Daniel's eyes scanned the darkness. For the first time since joining SG-1 he was actually hoping that he would see something, that it wouldn't be a quiet, uneventful watch. Not that he wanted to be attacked by some creature, but if the owner of those eyes would just show itself, and his teammates could see it, he'd know that it hadn't all been in his imagination, and Sam, Jack and Teal'c would, too.

Daniel heard one of his team approaching. He glanced over his shoulder and saw that it was Sam.

"Hey," she said. "Teal'c and I will be going to bed soon. The colonel will be taking first watch with you."

Daniel nodded. His gaze dropped to the ground. "You don't have to pretend to believe me if you really don't. I'll understand. There's no proof that what I saw was—"

"Daniel, don't," Sam interrupted. "We don't need proof. How many times have you believed something without any evidence and turned out to be right? More times than I can count. The archeological community thought you were crazy when you believed that the pyramids were landing platforms for alien spacecraft, yet you were right! With barely any evidence to back you up you figured out that the Stargate network was built by a race of aliens called the Ancients, and it looks like you were right about that, too. In my whole life I have never met anyone who can figure out things with so little to go on the way that you can."

"But that's not really the same thing, is it. This isn't like me figuring out who built the Stargates or that there was a second gate on Earth. It's just me thinking I saw something when there's no proof at all that I really did."

"Okay, so it isn't the same thing, but that doesn't mean that any of us should reject what you believe you saw – including you."

Daniel let out a low sigh. "I'm just worried that. . . ."

"What, Daniel?"

The archeologist's gaze lifted to the forest. "What if I'm really not fully healed? What if that thing of Ma'chello's caused damage that Janet hasn't detected?"

Daniel's words really upset Sam. She rested her hand on his back. "Oh, Daniel. You mustn't think that way. Please don't doubt yourself. There is nothing wrong with your mind. You are just as sane as the rest of us. You need to believe that."

When Daniel remained silent, Sam gave his back a little rub, wishing she knew what else to say. She wished him a good night, then headed off to her tent. On the way, she stopped and talked to Jack in a low voice for a couple of minutes.

A short while later, the colonel joined the archeologist.

"I think in the morning we'll have a better chance of finding any tracks that thing you saw left behind," he remarked.

"Jack, you don't have to—"

"Daniel, just shut up. I don't want to hear you say it. There's nothing wrong with your brain . . . well, other than the fact that it seems to be lacking a pause button. In the morning we'll look for tracks."

Daniel met the older man's eyes. "And if we don't find any?"

"Then we don't find any. Maybe it's a tree-dweller."

Daniel searched the older man's face. "Jack, I don't expect you to jump through hoops to prove that what I saw was real just because of what happened. After all, there have been other times when you didn't believe me about something. You doubted me when I told you that I'd been to an alternate universe even though I had a staff weapon burn in my shoulder proving that something had happened to me."

Jack looked away, unable to deny Daniel's statement. "Yeah, okay, so I didn't believe you. I gave you the benefit of the doubt later on, though, didn't I?"

"Yes."

"We're not jumping through hoops to prove that what you saw was real. We'll just spend a few minutes looking for tracks in the morning. That's all." Jack shifted his grip on his P-90. "I'm going to take up watch at the other end of the camp."

After Jack was gone, Daniel returned his attention to the forest. The minutes slowly ticked by, the only sounds the chirping of insects and the call of some kind of night bird.

Perhaps thirty minutes had passed when the bird abruptly fell silent. There was a very faint rustling sound. Daniel's head jerked in the direction of the noise, his eyes straining to see in the dark. And then he heard a low hiss, like that of a snake – or a Goa'uld symbiote.

That thought made Daniel take a hasty step backward, his heart rate climbing. He pulled his Beretta from its holster and aimed it toward the sound. And that's when he saw the eyes again, blood-red and glowing like fire. They swayed about this way and that, their unearthly gaze making a chill run down his spine. He suddenly felt trapped, hypnotized by the crimson orbs. He couldn't move, every muscle locked in place as he watched a crested head appear from the darkness, two-feet-wide and crowned with four eye stalks. Its mouth opened, revealing five-inch-long fangs. The head was attached to a massive serpentine body. It slid down the tree upon which it had been hanging and began slithering toward him, its eyes never leaving his.

Daniel tried to call out for help, but his larynx lacking the power to work. He was frozen in place, unable even to pull the trigger of the gun in his hand. The creature was now just a few feet from him. It reared up, its head drawing level with his. Daniel was screaming for help in his mind, but he was powerless to stop what he knew was about to happen.

Suddenly, the silence was shattered by the sound of a P-90. The snakelike creature jerked violently and let out a high-pitched scream. A second shot hit it, then a third and fourth, the last two bullets ripping through its head. The beast fell to the ground and writhed about, its death throes churning up dead leaves and fallen branches. At last it grew still.

Jack came running up to Daniel, who was now starting to tremble from reaction. Sam and Teal'c, who'd awakened at the first shot, joined them.

"Oh my God," Sam gasped, staring in horrified fascination at the monstrous creature.

"Holy crap," Jack cursed. "That thing must be at least sixty feet long." He looked at Daniel. "Daniel, are you okay?"

"Y-yeah. I-I couldn't move. I tried, but it's like I was frozen in place. I couldn't even yell for help."

"Maybe those things have the ability to hypnotize their prey," Sam suggested. "People used to think that snakes could do that."

Teal'c knelt beside the creature and lifted one of the limp eye stalks, revealing a red eye with a black slitted pupil.

"Well, that explains what Daniel saw earlier," Jack remarked. He gave a shudder. "I'm thinking that maybe we should move the camp a little farther from the trees. Actually, a _lot_ farther might be wise."

They moved the camp back twenty yards. Though it was now quite late, it was no surprise that none of them felt like sleeping.

"You see, Daniel," Jack said as he nursed a cup of coffee. "You weren't imagining things."

"Indeed," agreed Teal'c. "You are of sound mind."

The archeologist met the eyes of his teammates. "Thanks. If you guys hadn't believed me, and I took the first watch alone, I'd probably be dead."

Jack patted his shoulder. "Well, that's what we do. We back each other up." His eyes locked upon Daniel's. "I know that Carter, Teal'c and I sort of messed up on that last time, but I swear that will never happen again."

Daniel's lips curved upward in the smallest of smiles. "I know, Jack." He paused. "I trust you."

The sound of those three words lightened the hearts of Daniel's teammates.

"We're really glad to hear that, Daniel," Jack said. "I know that a lot of people in your position wouldn't have been able to trust us again. But trusting _us_ isn't enough."

"You must trust yourself as well, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c told the archeologist.

"Just like we trust you," said Sam.

Daniel gazed off at the forest. He hadn't realized until tonight that, because of what happened with Ma'chello's invention, he'd come to doubt himself, in the ability of his mind to distinguish what was real and not real. He needed to get past that, both for his own sake and the sake of his team.

"I know," he said. "It might take a little more time . . . but I'll get there."

Jack nodded sharply. "Damn straight." He smiled. "So, since it looks like none of us are going to get any sleep tonight, how about another game?"

"Sounds good to me, Jack," Daniel replied softly.

As the cards were dealt, Daniel looked one by one at the faces of his teammates. The broken trust was mending, the shattered faith restored, and he knew that, though there might be more rough times ahead, he and his friends would get through them together.

THE END


End file.
